Original Message:
Sent: 04-01-2023 06:16
From: Ira Reid
Subject: "CARDIAC BLUES"
Lisa, Brett, Michelle, Diana,
I've told my story before on Mended Hearts but I'm going to tell it again now for those, including at least some of you, who've never heard it before.
Five years ago, I had a heart attack, followed by emergency quintuple bypass surgery, complicated by ventilator induced pneumonia and a cdiff infection, and being kept in a medically induced coma for two weeks post surgery. During the coma and for the week after my awakening, I was delusional and hallucinating, but in a very pleasant and even spiritual way, e.g. I believed that one of my nurses was Christ returned to help me much as he was helped by someone who gave him water on the way to the cross. I am a Jewish Zen Buddhist, by the way, not a Christian. I remained in the hospital for another week before I was transferred to a rehab hospital for another three weeks, learning to walk and feed myself again, and where I gradually, with the assistance of my wife, parsed through my hallucinated experiences from what most people would consider the real or every day ones.
My awakening was more than a physical one. As you no doubt guessed by now, it was equally a spiritually transforming experience, a "hard enlightenment" as we say in Zen. When I had my heart attack and learned that I would need emergency bypass surgery, I had no fear of dying and I was quite calm, but when I awoke from the coma, I was filled with the deepest feeling of gratitude I'd ever experienced in my life, a feeling that has remained with me, in a more subdued way, to the present time. I felt more than just a closeness to all the people who had saved my life. I felt for the first time in my life, that we were all branches from the same tree, that we were just vessels for the universe to experience itself through loving awareness. I felt joy.
Before I left the first hospital to go to the rehab hospital, I told my wife about the nurse I felt was Christ and introduced her to him. She suggested I thank him and I did, the tears of gratitude flowing as I told him that I would now give to others what he had given to me, and he relied that it was okay because Christ died for all of us.
Over the past five years I returned to work as a big firm NY lawyer, returned to the gym and my lifelong love of weightlifting and calisthenics, semi-retired and took to slowly writing about my life lessons and philosophical reflections and watched my daughter finish high school, college and now on the cusp of finishing her masters program, dating a guy who seems as calm as me. In short, I have lived an outwardly normal life in the world, not in a monastery, which has long been a temptation for me, but inwardly a life of contemplation, not a sense of closeness to God, but rather the awareness that all of us are, as Ram Dass, one of my spiritual teachers said, just walking each other home. In fact, we all of us are home, right here, right now, with each of us, in this beautiful, limitless universe.
No, I was never depressed. Mt heart attack and OHS were a gift and I am grateful still. To all who are depressed, I hope and believe it will pass for you as you embrace your experience.
Namaste,
Ira
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Ira Reid
Hoboken NJ
Original Message:
Sent: 03-31-2023 13:20
From: Lisa Johnson
Subject: "CARDIAC BLUES"
Hi Brett
Your comments were so insightful and very true. i am a psychiatric nurse practitioner and i too had OHS in May2020. Not only was it a complete surprise, but the height of Covid infections, thus,no visitors! I used all my teachings and knowledge of depression, and still had some sad days. Happy to say it was short-lived and the gratitude to be here with family and friends, is immeasurable . I had not heard about the bypass machine and how it can change the brain chemistry, can you send me a link to read up on that ,very appreciated. Stay well and happy. Lisa
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Lisa Johnson
Registered nurse
CA
Original Message:
Sent: 03-31-2023 10:09
From: Brett Temple
Subject: "CARDIAC BLUES"
Hi Michele. It was because of this same issue that I found Mended Hearts. None of the doctors and nurses prepared me for the emotional roller coaster after my OHS and to expect the "cardiac blues". I'm generally a very happy guy and just couldn't figure out what was wrong with my after my triple bypass. I just felt this general feeling of despair and hopelessness. I finally started doing some research to see if it was just me or if others had experienced this after heart surgery and that's when I stumbled across Mended Hearts. It was an absolute lifesaver! Just knowing that I wasn't alone in feeling that way and being able to share how was feeling on my down days with others who had walked the same path was a huge help. Just know that it WILL get better. I saw a comment on Mended Hearts once that being on the bypass machine for 8 hours or so during your heart surgery basically resets your brain. I thought that was a pretty accurate description. It definitely changes your life but it doesn't have to define your life. My recommendation is to stay plugged in here and don't be afraid to share with your support team (family, doctors, nurses, physical therapists, etc) how you're feeling on the days when you're down. Eventually the days when you feel great will outnumber the days that you don't and you'll reach a place of gratitude that you are still around for your family and friends. Remember, many people don't survive a heart attack. We're the blessed few who have been given another chance. Make the best of it. :)
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Brett Temple
Project Manager
Castleberry AL
Original Message:
Sent: 03-30-2023 13:31
From: Diana Rose
Subject: "CARDIAC BLUES"
Hi Michelle,
Hang in there. Did you have an open heart surgery? I had a triple bypass and apparently if you have that procedure over 70% of the patients experience depression. I didn't know that until I found out from someone in support group.
I talked to my doctor and he put me on an anti-depressant med. I was only on it for 3 months and then I was back to normal. I felt overwhelmed and that was not something I associated with depression but it was depression.
Is Ridgecrest near San Diego? I used to live in Alpine, near Julian.
Take care and email me back if you want to "talk" some more.
Kind regards and air hugs,
Diana
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Diana Rose
San Diego CA
(619) 507-1064
Original Message:
Sent: 08-25-2019 00:46
From: michelle leverett
Subject: "CARDIAC BLUES"
Hi everyone!
I'm 14 weeks post op and these last two weeks I think the "cardiac blues" have been creeping up on me. Anyone else experience this? I never realized this recovery would have so many ups and downs. There are days when I'm feeling pretty good physically and emotionally and then a not so very good day will be thrown in there. Trying to stay positive, does anyone have any suggestions? I'm not one to take pills so hopefully this will pass. Thank you : )
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michelle leverett
Ridgecrest CA
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