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Depression post op 14 weeks

  • 1.  Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 06-26-2020 12:42
    I'm having some depression 14 weeks into my recovery. Because I'm still having fatigue and breathing issues.  I am uncertain as tp how long it takes for full recovery and if anything full what full recovery means. This is causing me concern.  I am 71 and prior to surgery i was fairly active. I cycled and skied. I'm having some stamina issues I have none.


  • 2.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 06-26-2020 13:18
    Hello Peter,
    This is the week for depression. You are not alone. If you scan through some of the other folk's messages you will not that depression is common for a lot of us after our surgeries. Many of us have gone into the funk while in the first several months of recovery. 
    Welcome to the Zipper club and rest assured you are not alone. Some folks try to get counseling others also have meds and others just talk it out. The key factor is to understand that it is all right to feel the way you do. Just know it is temporary and it will get better. 
    The better you get physically the better you will get mentally. They go hand in hand. Just be sure to give yourself time and try to be patient with the process. Do not be afraid to talk to your provider about it. It is important they know how you feel about everything. I am sure others in the forum here will give you some sound advice. Just be sure to take what you need and dump the rest. 
    As I have told everyone I have ever spoken to, We are all different and we all heal at different rates. 
    Be patient and be safe,

    Richard Short
    Chapter 395

  • 3.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 06-26-2020 15:06
    I have similar issues 7 months post friend whom had aoric replacement told me he had similar breathing stamina issues. He said it took almost 1.5 years to feel somewhat normal. What many have said it may take up to 2 years before major progress occurs.  I try to walk everyday even though I feel breathless,but got to do it or I will go backwards.
    Try not to rush it,it will come.

    Robert Sauder

    Robert Sauder
    Cumming GA

  • 4.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 06-27-2020 11:45
    Robert and Peter,

    The problem exists only because we have bought into the idea that there is a 'normal" or "usual" or other way we're "supposed" to feel.  The fact is that there are no rules.  We change constantly, physically and emotionally no matter whether we have heart disease, cancer or we've never been sick a day in out lives but we're just getting older.  I'm in great shape now, 2 1/2 years after a heart attack and quintuple bypass surgery, lifting weights and doing bodyweight gymnastic exercises that very few 70 year olds on Earth can do but, I have to tell you, I suck compared to what I was able to do physically 20 or even 10 years ago, let alone when I was 20 and thought I was invincible.  It's called becoming an old man.

    The point is that we're alive, right here, right now.  The roses are still there for you to smell and, damn, they do smell good.  You can still walk through the woods or, if you can't walk anymore, you can sit in your backyard or, if you don't have a backyard, you can sit on your front stoop, and feel the breeze on your face and hear the leaves rustling in the trees.  It's still there and you can feel it.  Experience is right here right now waiting for you to join it.

    Or you can contemplate how you don't feel the way you used to or want to feel and miss the moment.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying you should ignore physical symptoms and not discuss them with your doctor.  I'm just saying you don't want to dwell on it and enjoy the gift of life that all of us have been given, especially those of us on this website.  We're all living on borrowed time!and can't afford to squander the loan.

    All the best,


    Ira Reid
    Hoboken NJ

  • 5.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 07-01-2020 22:34
    Good evening Peter,
    Just read your note. So your 71 and still not 100%. WOW.  I'm 81 and I'm not the same when I was 71.  At 71  I  wasn't the same as I was when I was 58 and had my first heart attack and CABG x 4. When I hit 65 I had my second CABG x 2, They did what they couldn't do the first time. I spend my energy thinking about what I want to do,or can do. Forget what was. Thank all that you are still here.

    Think good thoughts. List to music. Laugh alot. Hang out with people that think up.
    Rainy day==great--the birds can drink and the flowers will grow. You went though a lot. Go enjoy. I don't play singles tennis anymore. So what. Do your eyes still work ? How about the BRAIN-THAT SEEMS TO BE WORKING. Food an issue ? If not - enjoy.  I drink a little wine most days at 4-5 or at dinner. If your doctor says your heart is  OK give yourself time - you NOW have it. Family can be a big help but if some may give you a problem stay way from that situation. if you can't make peace. That is a big 2 way street.
    GO HAVE FUN.   WHEN SHIT HAPPENS AND IT WILL ALWAYS BE THERE  Learn to say  W T F.  ( WHAT THE F**k)  Enjoy your time and do what you can, don't look at the past, life is in front of you. What WAS--WAS.   The smoke is clearing maybe 20 weeks or 50 weeks maybe never 100%
    Best regards,
    David Rosen--- visitor 12 years at JFK Hospital  Chapter 206 Fla.

    David Rosen
    Lake Worth FL
    (561) 969-7010

  • 6.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 07-01-2020 22:55
    All I can say to David's message is amen, brother.  Time is short and always was whether you believed it or not.  We only have right now and that is our gift. The past and future are illusions, stuff we imagine happened or will happen.  There are no shoulds, there is no fairness and nobody is entitled to anything.  Live life, right now, smell the roses in front if your face right now, hear the leaves rustling in the trees right now, feel the freedom that is living right now, an eternity of now.  Don't waste your time worrying about the way you wish things should be or how you believe they're supposed to be.  Pay attention to the wonder of this moment every moment.


    Ira Reid
    Hoboken NJ

  • 7.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 07-02-2020 09:57
    Dasvid, good message until the end...81 and still using 4-letter words!  No wonder it's so common among the youth. The words add nothing, in fact, just the opposite. And, certainly not appropriate for this forum. Sorry.

  • 8.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 07-02-2020 10:14

    You're entitled to your opinion but, personally, I didn't mind David's use of a couple of four letter words at the end of his post.  I didn't find it offensive at all, particularly in the context of David's very positive and supportive message.  And, anyway, if you don't feel free to use a couple of well placed four letter words at the age of 81, having survived two open heart surgeries, then when will you feel free?

    Just my opinion.  Have a nice day.


    Ira Reid
    Hoboken NJ

  • 9.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 07-02-2020 11:25
    Hello Peter, David, Ira, and anyone else willing to take the time to read this.

    I too had some depression post-op. I also have PTSD from my time in the service. I also have Arthritis, some Emphysema, CABG X 4, Pacemaker, allergies, etc., etc.

    Like Davis said, Forget all that. I will be 72 soon and I am looking forward to seeing and doing more. We just had a new granddaughter born during this COVID 19 lockdown. ��    
    My wife and I have sold our home and live full time in an RV and are traveling the US. We are meeting some of the greatest people we have ever met. We still meet the not so nice folks too. (as always) The nice one outweigh the bad ones. 

    I still love to cook and have found family members I never knew about on Ancestry.
    I talk to folks about Mended Hearts whenever I can. 

    Peter, it may seem like we are making light of your situation, but we are not. We have all been there. What we are saying to you is that it will pass. You will begin to enjoy life again. Granted you will have to make adjustments. You will get past them though. You will find the good in all of this as long as you tell yourself it will be. 
    Don't measure your feelings daily, but weekly. Are you better this week than you were last week. Our bodies take time to heal. You can't flip a switch and then feel better. Allow yourself some space to be patient. Can you walk farther this week than last week? Next week will be just a few steps farther. IT DOES GET BETTER.

    Good Luck and take care
    Richard Short
    Chapter 395

  • 10.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 07-02-2020 08:12
    Peter; I had open hearts surgery in 1983 and 1992 to repair my Mitral Valve, the second time -replacing it and also installing a annulplasty ring on the Tricuspid vale. Yes, the experience does make one aware of their mortality but also thankful for science and the skills of the medical profession.  I am now in my 82nd year and have never "babied" myself but have been aware of the signals my body sends me.  My wife and I celebrate our sixtieth wedding anniversary in a few months.  The best to you and always try to look at the bright side.

    [Phil W

  • 11.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 07-02-2020 10:23
    Let me assure you,we all feel at some point what your experiencing. Im 7 months post Cabg and still having the breathing issues and sometimes wonder if I will ever get better. Woke up this morning after bad day yesterday and walked and feel great. Its just the long process of recovery that is frustrating. I would suggest to walk as much as you can everyday  and  give your body time to heal.  I read that for many people that full recovery really happens in the 2nd year and trying  rush the recovery process is self defeating.
    Hope that helps from a member experiencing similiar issues.

    Robert Sauder

    Robert Sauder
    Cumming GA

  • 12.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 07-02-2020 21:56

    I was in the same boat about 2 or 3 months after surgery.  I'm 73 and was active too.  You'll get through this.  It takes some patience and time.  Post-op depression is fairly normal.  Take it one day at a time.


    Bill Tully
    tully & company
    Irving TX

  • 13.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 07-05-2020 15:29
    Hi Peter. It is very common to have the cardiac blues. I bet that's why a majority of people join Mended Hearts. I know that was my reason. Take your time and talk it out. You are a new person and it takes time to get to know new people. I'm coming up on my 2 yr anniversary of OHS and I'm still figuring out new feelings I have about myself. Although David my be a little on the tough love side, he is right. Think about all you're going to do and look forward to since you're going to be here for a while longer. You were spared from your family loosing you too soon. AMEN!

    [Carrie] [Kashani]
    [White Bear Lake [MN]

  • 14.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 18 days ago
    This forum is definitely helpful. A person might think that hearing that 'normal' come in the second year of recovery would be a depressing proclamation. I am actually bolstered by the thought. I am 18 weeks out from atrial replacement, mitral repair and CABGx1. Lately, I feel like I'm not progressing at all. My stomach is always rumbly and upset. I can't walk across the house sometimes without losing my breath. Last night sleeping on my left side I had a loss of breath attack that woke me up. Yesterday my wife and I went downtown and walked a mile or so with a few stops to rest but then I came home and crashed in bed. I have done cardiac rehab twice before for stents so I passed on it this time because of COVID and the half-hour drive each way. I am trying to do my treadmill at home and a walk in the neighborhood to break up my workday.

    The difficult thing is knowing that you are still in the recovery curve and it will be hard for longer than you think. We are all dealing with a different level of being knocked down by the surgery. Thank you everyone for sharing.

    Arnold Hill

  • 15.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 18 days ago
    Just a suggestion: Check your heart rate to be sure it is not too high, too low or irregular.

    Eight years ago I had cabg x1, mitral valve repair, left atrial appendage sealed and a maze procedure. I have been dealing with Atrial Fibrillation, AFib since. AFib can cause the symptoms you are describing.

    AFib is an irregular heart beat that affects some people more than others. Millions of people have this condition. It is often treatable. I am now 79 and my heart rate is presently regular and I am quite active.

    You can just check your pulse (fingers on wrist or other way) to see if it is regular. It can also be seen on most blood pressure machines and pulse oximeters. A doctor would use an EKG. (Sometimes AFib comes and goes on its own; other times corrective procedures are required.)

    If you have AFib, you need to get help as soon as practical because you are 5 times as likely to have a stroke.

    When my neighbor, who is a nurse practitioner for a cardiologist, saw my AFib, she urged me to go to the Emergency Room.

    Marv Norman
    Noblesville, In.

    Sent from my iPad

  • 16.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 07-03-2020 11:15
    Hi Peter,
    You are not alone. I'm now 13 months post op (CABGx2) and remember around the 3-4 month mark feeling the depression. With the help of all these amazing members in this group and a wonderful therapist I was able to move through it, it does take time though.  14 weeks is still very early on in your recovery, just keep up the walking and talking with someone, or this group, to help you with your depression. You'll get there!! As far as stamina, that will come back as well. It has taken me a full year to start feeling myself again. I actually feel better now than I did before my surgery. Best of luck to you and know that you are not alone in how or what you are feeling, We're all here for ya!
    Have a great and safe weekend!

    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA

  • 17.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 07-03-2020 14:58
    I had fatigue and really bad breathing issues until I stopped taking amiodaron.  I was very depressed because I felt like I wasn't getting better.  I feel MUCH better now.  Having to sit in my house because of the Virus doesn't help.

    I grew up close to you.  Too bad they had to cancel the State Fair!

    Anthony Smith
    Lake Elsinore CA

  • 18.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 12-25-2020 01:35

    Definitely feeling depressed myself. Having the fatigue and shallow breathing also. I had CABGx3 and I'm 43. I used to be able to do a lot of physical labor, finding I can't do half of what I used to, it makes me frustrated, think it's making my job frustrated, not sure if I wanna keep going if it's gonna keep being like this.


    Guy Woodard
    Aberdeen MD

  • 19.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 12-25-2020 20:56
    Guy Woodard, 
    Good evening. Having read your post I must give you a little up beat memo. My earlier  post is in the thread. Please read it. Bottom line is give yourself time to heal both mentally and physically.  Back to YOUR normal is a long process. I'm 82 on the 30th. Had CABG x 4 in 1996. Work on your mind as much as the body. See and focus on the good that happens every day. Your road will have bumps, go with the flow and enjoy what you have.  Listen to music/broadway/BBC proms on You-Tube.  great site- request items that make you smile.(old T V ).
    Your here -THANK YOU- enjoy your gift of life every day.
    Best regard,
    David Rosen

  • 20.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 12-25-2020 21:17
    Guy I hope that you received my note. If you want to talk  my phone number--home 561-969-7010. I'm home tomorrow 10-1:00  or in the afternoon  4:00 to 6:00.

  • 21.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 14 days ago
    Hi, I am a new member here, but I wanted to share that some of your issues may be related to your Hgb levels still. I am a retired nurse, and I worked cardiac units and intensive care units in the past. I know these days, they don't give blood transfusions during surgery the way they used to. I have known several people who have had problems with anemia post-op, which could definitely cause some of your problems. Do you know if you are anemic? Are you taking Iron supplements?

    This is no minor operation like you may have had before. Even some surgeries like Gallbladder or others I have had, it took 4-6 weeks before I was feeling up to my norm, and this is much more of a surgery to recover from.

    Are you in a cardiac rehab exercise program? What do they say about your shortness of breath and fatigue?

    Hang in there. You will be just fine. I'm sure you will gradually get stronger and get your endurance back as time goes on. Make sure and discuss this with your doctor, too. Even if you have already talked about it, let them know you are still having issues and are concerned about this. Many times a short course of antidepressants can help get you over the hump as well. I have known several people who did this. Depression is not unusual, and everyone is different. It's a pretty major thing you went through and it takes awhile to recover completely. Let us know how your are doing periodically.

    Dennis Danner
    Punta Gorda FL

  • 22.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 13 days ago

    You didn't mention what type of surgery you had, but I'm going to assume it was open heart and tell you my recovery timeline.  I feel as good as new, by the way.

    February 12, 2018: I had a completely unexpected heart attack.  I was a very active 67 years old at the time, weightlifter, bodyweight calisthenics, walker, former long distance runner, gymnast.

    February 13, 2018:  Quintuple bypass surgery.

    February 26, 2018:  Awakened from a medically induced coma due to recovery from ventilator pneumonia and cdiff post- surgery.

    February 25-March 5, 2018: ICU and post-coma hallucinations and delusions.  They sound worse than they were.  I thought I was at a hospital in the Bahamas and my surgeon was my shipmate in the Navy (I was never in the Navy and I was at a New Jersey medical center).

    March 5, 2018-March 23, 2018:  Inpatient rehab where I learned to walk and feed myself again.

    March 23, 2018:  Paroled.  I went home, 6 weeks after the heart attack an started outpatient rehab the following week, as well as a daily walking program.

    March 24-May 14, 2018:  Good progress in rehab but I am physically exhausted after a workout or even a slow walk in the neighborhood.  Making progress, though, and gaining strength and stamina.

    May 14, 2018:  Back to work, back to my old gym.  Next month or two I have stamina and shortness of breath periodically while going to work, especially as the season turns to summer.

    August/September 2018:  Running again until sciatica lays me low.  I just walk and bike after that, as well as the weight and bodyweight workouts.  I'm slowly getting stronger.

    February 12-13, 2019:  My Alive Days.  My one year heart attack and OHS anniversaries.  I'm maybe 89-90% recovered to pre-surgery levels.

    Spring 2019 and thereafter:  I'm back and better than ever.

    I'm now 70 1/2 years old, semi-retired, still working out and feel great.  Just had a nuclear stress test and echo, and my grafts are clean as a whistle.  It may take you between 12 - 18 months, maybe a bit more, but you'll get there, brother.  Just be patient, follow your cardiologist's instructions, eat healthy and keep exercising.



    Ira Reid
    Hoboken NJ

  • 23.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 2 days ago
    Ira, I want to thank you for your post. It was exactly what I needed to hear! It gives me hope.

    July 31, 2020: I had a completely unexpected widowmaker heart attack.  I was a pretty active 55 year old, working out on my Peloton 3-5 times a week, and a walker. A bit overweight, but had just lost 25 pounds with WW. No high BP or high Cholesterol. I required CPR, AED shock x 3, and epinephrine x 3 and was ventilated. Stent placed in LAD and hypothermic protocol followed.

    August 14, 2020:  Awakened from a medically induced coma due to recovery from respiratory failure with aspiration pneumonia and mild anoxic encephalopathy with slow neurology improvement. Shock liver and acute kidney injury. Discharged from ICU.

    August 14-18, 2020: Post-coma hallucinations and delusions.  Days and nights mixed up. I thought I was sleeping in the hospital's IT house (computers and monitors everywhere!) on a couch or on a bench outside the coffee shop. I 100% believed that this is where I was. 

    August 18 - 25, 2020:  Transferred to another hospital (the one where I work) for Inpatient neuro/rehab where I learned to walk, dress, write and feed myself again.

    August 25, 2020:  Discharged to home. 3 1/2 weeks after the heart attack. Started outpatient/at home rehab shortly after. Started riding my Peloton again, very slowly, starting at 10 minute rides. Also short walks.

    September, 2020: Walking daily. Noticed that the hill in my neighborhood that always made me winded prior to HA, no longer winds me!

    October 12, 2020:  Back to work PT - 4 hour days.  Frequent breaks and started daily meditation. Noticed that when I don't do breaks/meditation, I have delusions at night when trying to fall asleep. 

    October 26,2020:  Back to work PT - 6 hour days. 

    November 9, 2020:  Back to work full time.

    December 8, 2020: First stress test since HA. Looks suspicious. Angiogram scheduled for next day.

    December 9, 2020: Angiogram shows that stent moved slightly since placement with made it look like new blockage since HA. Whew.

    January 8, 2021: Graduated from Cardio Rehab. 

    Early Feb, 2021: Started having pain in upper molars, roof of mouth, forehead and cheeks shortly after starting exercise. I think it may be Sinus related (I have a history - although have not felt it like this before).

    February 25, 2021: Pain has increased in intensity and duration. Stopped exercise. Pain feels just like the pain I had for 8 months prior to HA; just a different location. Cardiologist notified and waiting for nuclear stress test March 3.

    I have been really sad and feeling down since Feb 25. I am so scared that something is already wrong with my heart. Ira, your post raised my spirits, and reminded me how far I have come. It is not hopeless and I have a medical team by my side.


    Evelyn Quast
    Maple Grove MN

  • 24.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 2 days ago

    I just read your story, Evelyn. You are a strong and resilient person who's come through a horrendous experience with flying colors.

    Perhaps by now you  know the results of the 3/3 nuclear stress test.  You have a team now and many, many good people rooting for you. Of course you are sad at the moment. The need to check on anything is discouraging because one fears losing ground. Let us know how you are doing.

    I too had a "widow maker" stent in the LAD (4 years ago), then in Sept a CABG for extensive occlusions in lt main, proximal lad and proximal circumflex using both mammary arteries. One clotted right away so I went to the Cleveland Clinic where a stent was placed in lt circumflex to correct the failed graft.  I thought I was fixed but angina returned almost immediately.  I have poor perfusion that can't stented; angina meds are being titrated upward and I'm exercising carefully. Lessons learned; life is precious each day and our health care teams are giving us their best game.  Deep breath.  Rooting for you. 


    Doris Edwards
    Retired RN
    Dublin, Ohio

  • 25.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 2 days ago
    Hi Evelyn,

    Good luck with your nuclear stress test.  Just remember, though, that you had a clear angiogram just 3 months ago, and that's the gold standard for blocked coronary arteries.  I can't see how you'd develop a new blockage this soon after that.  Whatever is the cause of your problem you're dealing with it early with your medical team.

    By the way, those ICU hallucinations really are a trip, pun intended.  They are nothing like dream states, where I at least always know that I'm dreaming.  My hallucinations were as real to me as my time typing this post right now.  When I awoke and achieved a "normal" mental state again, I was falsely communicating events from my hallucinations to my rehab doctors because I had no idea they weren't real.  I had to ask my wife if any if the things I thought happened actually had happened.  It was like an alternate reality, like living in a parallel universe.  It got me thinking a lot about the nature of what we consider our everyday reality, including memories of our past as being just limited or perhaps distorted versions of what actually once happened, and concerns about the future as just imaginary concoctions we create based upon fears that are themselves predicated on a mythology that we need to be unhappy if certain hypothetical events occur.

    Anyway, food for thought while you await tour test results.

    Good luck and please keep us posted.


    Ira Reid
    Hoboken NJ

  • 26.  RE: Depression post op 14 weeks

    Posted 2 days ago
    Ira, I wanted to thank you for your latest post. It was exactly what I needed to hear at this moment. I had a widowmaker HA 7 months ago and have felt great up until a few weeks ago. I started having pain in my upper molars, roof of mouth, and cheeks just after starting my work out. It has gradually been getting more intense and lasting longer. I notified my cardiology team and stopped working out. I then fell into some depression, which is incredibly unlike me. Reading through your timeline and seeing how well you are doing has lifted my spirits and given me hope! I have my nuclear stress test tomorrow.

    July 31, 2020: I had a completely unexpected widowmaker heart attack.  I was a pretty active 55 year old riding my Peloton 4-6 times a week. A little overweight, but had recently lost 25 pounds with WW. No high BP or high cholesterol. Stent placed in LDA. CPR, shocked x 3 and epinephrine x 3.

    Aug 13, 2020:  Awakened from a medically induced coma recovering from ventilator pneumonia, liver shock, and kidney injury. Discharged from ICU

    Aug 14 - 18, 2020: Continued ICU and post-coma hallucinations and delusions.  I thought I was sleeping in the hospital IT house. A house where all the computers were kept. I slept on a couch. My other delusion was that I slept outside the hospital coffee shop on a bench. 

    Aug 18-25: Transferred to another hospital (where I work) -- Inpatient neuro/therapies rehab where I learned to walk, write, and dress myself again.

    Aug 25 2020:  Discharged to home. 3 1/2 weeks after the heart attack. Started outpatient/in home cardio rehab the following week.

    October 12, 2020:  Started back to work 4 hours a day. Hallucinations started shortly after as I tried to fall asleep. Started taking more frequent breaks with meditation. This ceased the hallucinations. 

    October 26, 2020:  Back to work 6 hour days. 

    November 16th 2020:  Started back to work full time. Continuing riding my Peloton 6-7 days a week. 

    December 8, 2020:  My first stress test since HA. Found what looks like a new clot. Angiogram scheduled for next day.

    December 9, 2020: Angiogram shows that there is no new clot; my stent moved ever so slightly so that it looked like a new clot. Whew. 

    January 8, 2021:  Graduated from Cardio Rehab.

    January 15 - Feb 5, 2021. Started feeling new pain after starting riding bike. In my upper teeth, cheekbones, forehead. Gradually getting worse, and lasting longer. Last bike ride 2/25. Cardiology team and primary MD notified. Nuclear stress test scheduled for 3/3. Depression sets in. Easing up ever day.

    Thank you for reminding me to be patient and for this earlier post. Truly was a good reminder for me:

    "Time is short and always was whether you believed it or not.  We only have right now and that is our gift. The past and future are illusions, stuff we imagine happened or will happen.  There are no shoulds, there is no fairness and nobody is entitled to anything.  Live life, right now, smell the roses in front if your face right now, hear the leaves rustling in the trees right now, feel the freedom that is living right now, an eternity of now.  Don't waste your time worrying about the way you wish things should be or how you believe they're supposed to be.  Pay attention to the wonder of this moment every moment."

    Evelyn Quast
    Maple Grove MN