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Emotional issues since valve repair surgery in Dec 2018

  • 1.  Emotional issues since valve repair surgery in Dec 2018

    Posted 10-09-2020 11:20
    Hi everyone, I am new to this but am looking for a support group where we can discuss virtually online about the issues I relate below.

    I'm  dealing with emotional issues since Open heart surgery in Dec 2018. I was admitted to hospital with Valvular endocarditis diagnosed in July 2018 , was in septic shock -one day later I wouldn't be here. Was told on discharge that I would need Mitral valve repair or replacement or would not survive past 2 years. I was 65 at that time.

    After 6 weeks of IV antibiotics at home, made plans to go to Cleveland Clinic in Cleveland , Ohio for the surgery as they were rated #1 for valve repair. this was in Sept 2018

    Thing is, I am a MD in Internal Medicine since age 27 and knew too much about the surgery and dreaded the upcoming surgery. - So was freaked out for the months before surgery knowing what was to come . 

    So, Dec 6, 2018 had successful surgery, but woke up while the intubation tube was still in and my son and the nurse had to hold my arms down until the tube came out. My memory is foggy about events day of surgery and afterwards.  Long story short, went through Cardiac Rehab and returned to work, but my brain and thinking had changed.   Went back to work as a physician end of Jan 2019 and had planned to keep working until age 70. 

    However, my brain and thinking were just not right. I was also suffering from PTSD with traumatic nightmares, which went back to the days when I worked in Trauma ER and would have to cut chests open after gun shot wounds, etc. This all came back to me from 38 years ago. 

    My mental health was being affected so I decided to retire in Sept 2019 after hitting age 66 when I would have full Social Security Benefits plus Federal Pension from working for the VA.

    Plan was to relax and travel but then COVID  and isolation came along .  My sister had COVID bad, was intubated 16 days and survived but she's not the same. it saddens me that so many have been touched by this virus.

    So, all in all , I am physically healthy but mentally not. Would be nice if there was a support group or a zoom chat group to discuss our shared experiences.

    Thanks

    Stephen



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    STEPHEN SMITH
    Physician/retired
    SANFORD NC
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  • 2.  RE: Emotional issues since valve repair surgery in Dec 2018

    Posted 10-09-2020 14:32
    Hello Stephen,
    My name is Richard, I am not a doctor. I am a retired military medic. I spent 3 years working in the ER before training into Ophthalmology/Otorhynocology Surgical Assistant. 
    I know what you mean about the nightmares and dreams. I have also been diagnosed with PTSD and still take medication to help me. It is all under control for now.  
    I am glad you are looking for a support group. I am still seeing my Psych twice a year now. I spend 7 years in therapy and have graduated to semiannual maintenance visits.
    I know part of what you are going through is the feeling of loss of control. We spent many years in charge of situations and helping resolve other folks' issues and helping them recover and then we moved on to the next person and so on. 
    But all that changed when we became the patient. We had to face our own mortality and for me, it was a hard pill to swallow. I was lucky as I was seeing the VA for my PTSD from Vietnam and the ER. I had the tools in place to deal with my post-op depression. 
    This forum also helped me deal with my issues as well. 
    I have been able to share my fears and joys with others and that really helps me stay in a positive frame of mind. 
    I also started to volunteer at the hospital as Mended Hearts accredited visitor. Having worked in hospitals it was an easy transition for me to do that. I also joined the Mended Hearts group near me and attended the monthly meeting where we all could share and support each other with ideas about coping and healing. It was a ready-made support group. 
    Whatever you decide to do to help deal with your recovery just know this group is here for you. All of us need to talk and get things out and this forum has bee of great assistance to many people. I know you have mentioned this to patients many times over the years, but now you have to be the one who has to be patient. It will get better and it will improve. It just takes some time. 
    You take care of yourself and check your local area for a Mended Hearts Chapter near you. Many of the chapters are beginning to ZOOM meetings and have virtual talks.
    Again take care

    Richard Short 
    Chapter 395







  • 3.  RE: Emotional issues since valve repair surgery in Dec 2018

    Posted 10-10-2020 09:21
    Stephen,

    I am a lawyer.  When I was 67, I had a heart attack and emergency quintuple bypass surgery, complicated by bacterial pneumonia, c diff and two weeks in a medically induced coma.  Three weeks of inpatient rehab followed, and another couple of months of outpatient rehab.

    From the time I first regained consciousness to the time in rehab, to the time I went back to work nearly three months later, I told everyone I knew that I could not imagine going back to work as a lawyer, and that I just wanted to retire and write.  Despite this, I did go back but it never was the same as it had been pre-heart attack.  No pun intended, but my heart was no longer in it.  I felt as though I was in a different dimension from my colleagues and coworkers.  I knew that my work was important on some level, but my whole being was in a different place, a consciousness if being and connectedness to all life,  a mystic, contemplative state of mind to which I could return at will that I wanted to explore more than writing a legal brief.  I wanted to still work because I had a daughter entering college, but I felt that I was forcing things.

    Since Covid came, I've been working from home and planning my retirement from law, at least in a full-time basis.  At the end of this month, I will be officially retired.  I'd still like to earn a few more dollars doing freelance legal work on a part-time basis until my daughter graduates in a year and a half, but the bulk of my time will be spent writing.  I am now 70.

    There is a path forward, and it doesn't have to be what we dis in the past, professionally or otherwise.  In a sense, how could it be otherwise?  What all of us here have experienced are life altering events.  Let's honor that.

    I would love to participate in a Zoom survivors group. Count me in.

    All the best,

    Ira


    ------------------------------
    Ira Reid
    Hoboken NJ
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  • 4.  RE: Emotional issues since valve repair surgery in Dec 2018

    Posted 10-11-2020 12:14
    Ira ––

    "Heart no longer in it....mystic contemplative state of mind." Excellent. That pretty much sums it up.

    I run my own biz so at 68 (surgery when I was 67) I have to self-motivate. I have always been a 24/7 kind of guy when it comes to this biz; I often pushed my colleagues.

    But there has been a change, and I have clearly throttled back. In my case, I'm wondering if some of the emotional impact reflects the simultaneous impact Covid has had on life (I returned home from the hospital just as Covid was hitting) and the overall chaos we face daily (whether its politics and/or fires and air quality here in CA) –– all of which has had an exhaustive, emotional impact. Then there is the issue that at OUR age we're SUPPOSED to be retired! ;-)

    But maybe, just maybe, some of it for me is an intangible related to the surgery (mine was valve, root, ascending aorta and a single bypass) that I have yet to acknowledge. 

    The difference between us is that yours was a "deaths knocking at the door" surprise; I had years to emotionally prepare for mine.

    Beyond that, we're both in a very exclusive club that I know I am thrilled to be a member of.

    Cheers,
    Herb

    ------------------------------
    Herb Greenberg
    San Diego CA
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  • 5.  RE: Emotional issues since valve repair surgery in Dec 2018

    Posted 10-13-2020 19:59
    Dear Stephen, Herb, Ira, Brent,Brett, Richard, Bill and other Gentlemen and Ladies ( who are reading and not writing)
    Thank you for your frankness in admitting all your issues. Men especially usually will not be so honest in admitting their weakness. i feel all your frustrations and empathize with you.
    My open heart surgery with serious complications was 8 years ago. they told me it would take one year before i felt recovered and into the new me. But it was at Least two years before i quit telling people about it and showing off the zipper scar.
    Since then 3 grandchildren have been born
    ( in addition to 3 already) . What a blessing !!!
    Except with Covid-19 I can only see then on Facetime etc.

    Friends made through Mended Hearts ( meetings, dinners, breakfasts) have been a big help in my acceptance. I often say that my complications caused my husband to have PTSD ( my coma prevented me from being so scared ). The Covid-19 restrictions have reduced the support available to you the newer heart event survivors. Please connect in anyway possible with us. you are welcome to call me. ( meanwhile my husband and i caught Covid-19 and my dad died last month... Plano mended hearts members/ friends were very supportive to us.)

    Marilyn B. Rosenhouse
    Mobile: (214)850-0655




  • 6.  RE: Emotional issues since valve repair surgery in Dec 2018

    Posted 10-13-2020 20:42
    Hi Marilyn,

    I'm sorry  about your dad's passing and I hope that you and your husband are fully recovered from Covid.

    What you said about your husband having the PTSD because you were missing all the early fun by being in a coma rings a bell with me.  I was in a coma for two weeks and basically hallucinating/delusional for an additional week, all the while my wife was wondering whether I would live or die.  That was particularly rough for her because she normally comes to me concerning health questions and this time had nobody friendly to turn to.   Actually, my brother researched and understood my not so good survival chances but wisely kept his mouth shut.  I thanked him for that afterwards.

    To this day, my wife will remark to others "Yeah, while you were thinking you were recovering in the Bahamas, I was driving our daughter to and from school, choir and senior play practices, walking Johnny (our dog), trying to get information from the doctors and nurses about why you were in a medically induced coma for teo weeks, coming down with the flu and nursing our daughter through the flu thinking I was going to lose both of you, and dealing with three nor'easters, and snowstorms, in thise two weeks."

    Yeah, I think she had it worse than me.

    Ira

    ------------------------------
    Ira Reid
    Hoboken NJ
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  • 7.  RE: Emotional issues since valve repair surgery in Dec 2018

    Posted 10-13-2020 20:57
    Ira: exactly!!!
    Now it is especially tough on heart patient families ( actually all families of hospitalized loved ones) during the covid-19 restrictions. It hurts my heart reading some of the stories people have posted in this open forum format ... thankfully this forum exists to help them

    Marilyn B. Rosenhouse
    Mobile: (214)850-0655




  • 8.  RE: Emotional issues since valve repair surgery in Dec 2018

    Posted 10-14-2020 13:44
    Marilyn,

    Originally I was hoping my surgery would be AFTER my first grandchild was due to be born in July. In our initial meeting in February meeting, the surgeon said that he would recommend that we "do it soon," so we opted for March. In proving that timing is everything: As it turns out, we got in just before Covid and knowing what we know now I'm thrilled we did this well before our grandson was born – given the number of times we have driven up to San Francisco to see him! I always marvel in all of this how most of us, a number of decades ago, would have not made it this far because at that time there was no way to absolutely or reliably extend the expiration date of our valves and aortas or, with bypasses, our hearts. All of this can't help but give anybody a new perspective on life. I do know people who have gone through some of this who never give it a second thought, post-surgery, but they're wired entirely differently. They don't change their lifestyle, or even seem thankful. These forums have been enormously helpful for many of us. Interacting with folks who have experienced this – and marvel at it – is priceless.

    Best,
    Herb

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    Herb Greenberg
    San Diego CA
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  • 9.  RE: Emotional issues since valve repair surgery in Dec 2018

    Posted 10-14-2020 15:27
    Herb,

    All if us, every heart patient on this website, is living on borrowed time.  If I was born around the time if my grandparents. I have no doubt that my first, small heart attack that led to my bypass at age 67 would have been followed by a second and maybe a third and that I likely would have been gone before my 68th birthday.  

    My mother's father died at the age of 41 because of "heart damage" (whatever that means) resulting from rheumatic fever when he was a kid at the turn if the 20th century. If he had been born 60 or 79 years later, aside from the development of penicillin and other antibiotics that might have prevented the damage in the first instance, modern heart surgical procedures and medications could very well have permitted him to live out a normal lifespan.

    We all have so much about which to feel grateful, regardless of any lingering disabilities we might have.

    Ira

    ------------------------------
    Ira Reid
    Hoboken NJ
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  • 10.  RE: Emotional issues since valve repair surgery in Dec 2018

    Posted 10-14-2020 15:37
    Ira,

    Amen.

    Herb




  • 11.  RE: Emotional issues since valve repair surgery in Dec 2018

    Posted 10-11-2020 13:21
    Gentlemen,

    I relate to your facing the decision I refer to by the song "What now my love, now that it is over." meaning your current careers. I am glad to have practice law for almost 30 years, and I am glad to not be doing it now.
    On Wednesday, January 10, 2007, my heart stopped while I was finishing a stress test. I had no warning. On Friday my carotid surgery was successful, as was my quintuple bypass on Sunday. However, my body never reproduced the lubricant rubbed off my lungs but did keep sending liquid into my chest cavity that had to be removed manually. This led to lung surgery the last week of April. During my extended rehab I had ample opportunity to refocus my life. 

     
    While not a Marine, I like their saying they never retreat but "advance in another direction," I divide my life into three segments. Segment 1 was teaching business full time while in law school, starting a legal career, writing four paperback books, speaking around the country, all while marrying my high school sweet heart and being blessed with three children. In short, I was career driven. Segment 2 began when my wife was diagnosed with cancer. To emotionally support her, I took a much lesser job and stopped all outside activities (except honoring my contract to complete the book "Personnel Directors Legal Guide, now Legal Guide for Human Resources)  to focus on my wife and children. After the love of my life for 25 years lost her fight, I saw litigation as "creating the past in the light most favorable to client" as impossible as I could not handle the past or the time demands of practicing law. I became a Director of Employee Relations in a small town. Segment 3 began in 1993 when I returned to the practice of law and, when turning 50, with very little savings, children reaching college age, and my wanting the option of retiring at 60, I wrote my first Life Plan. It was obvious that I needed to drastically increase my financial picture without destroying the stability my children and I had. I needed to take chances that no prudent person would take. I reasoned that everything we do as adults is a learned skill, if others could learn investing then so could I. I found a mentor and started studying investing for an hour a day and after leaving the practice of law in 2002, I still do today. Each morning as I enter my home office in Santa Barbara in shorts I visualize competing with all the bright, young MBA's full of self importance as they prepare to spend their day in front of six screens at Goldman Sachs in NY. My trading day takes about an hour at market open and another one over lunch as the market closes. At 77, each year I write an Annual Plan that helps me stay focused. I enjoy the challenges of managing my own portfolio and love the freedom to create each day. It is a joy to not spend days solving other peoples' problems. My opinion is the skills necessary to be a professional are applicable to almost nay activity.  

    Ira, I relate to your enjoying writing. Post by pass I felt compelled to write "One Heart-Two Lives: Managing Your Rehabilitation WELL." My writings are listed in http://www.myhearttwoLivescom.wordpress.com. The changes in the publishing industry probably means that will be my last book. Now I write what I call my Reflections Series, which are where I relate something I have done to a current event in no more than two pages with, hopefully, a bit of humor.  

    I hope that somewhere in my ramblings there is a bit of inspiration.  

    Brent Zepke