Stephen,
I am a lawyer. When I was 67, I had a heart attack and emergency quintuple bypass surgery, complicated by bacterial pneumonia, c diff and two weeks in a medically induced coma. Three weeks of inpatient rehab followed, and another couple of months of outpatient rehab.
From the time I first regained consciousness to the time in rehab, to the time I went back to work nearly three months later, I told everyone I knew that I could not imagine going back to work as a lawyer, and that I just wanted to retire and write. Despite this, I did go back but it never was the same as it had been pre-heart attack. No pun intended, but my heart was no longer in it. I felt as though I was in a different dimension from my colleagues and coworkers. I knew that my work was important on some level, but my whole being was in a different place, a consciousness if being and connectedness to all life, a mystic, contemplative state of mind to which I could return at will that I wanted to explore more than writing a legal brief. I wanted to still work because I had a daughter entering college, but I felt that I was forcing things.
Since Covid came, I've been working from home and planning my retirement from law, at least in a full-time basis. At the end of this month, I will be officially retired. I'd still like to earn a few more dollars doing freelance legal work on a part-time basis until my daughter graduates in a year and a half, but the bulk of my time will be spent writing. I am now 70.
There is a path forward, and it doesn't have to be what we dis in the past, professionally or otherwise. In a sense, how could it be otherwise? What all of us here have experienced are life altering events. Let's honor that.
I would love to participate in a Zoom survivors group. Count me in.
All the best,
Ira
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Ira Reid
Hoboken NJ
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Original Message:
Sent: 10-09-2020 11:20
From: STEPHEN SMITH
Subject: Emotional issues since valve repair surgery in Dec 2018
Hi everyone, I am new to this but am looking for a support group where we can discuss virtually online about the issues I relate below.
I'm dealing with emotional issues since Open heart surgery in Dec 2018. I was admitted to hospital with Valvular endocarditis diagnosed in July 2018 , was in septic shock -one day later I wouldn't be here. Was told on discharge that I would need Mitral valve repair or replacement or would not survive past 2 years. I was 65 at that time.
After 6 weeks of IV antibiotics at home, made plans to go to Cleveland Clinic in Cleveland , Ohio for the surgery as they were rated #1 for valve repair. this was in Sept 2018
Thing is, I am a MD in Internal Medicine since age 27 and knew too much about the surgery and dreaded the upcoming surgery. - So was freaked out for the months before surgery knowing what was to come .
So, Dec 6, 2018 had successful surgery, but woke up while the intubation tube was still in and my son and the nurse had to hold my arms down until the tube came out. My memory is foggy about events day of surgery and afterwards. Long story short, went through Cardiac Rehab and returned to work, but my brain and thinking had changed. Went back to work as a physician end of Jan 2019 and had planned to keep working until age 70.
However, my brain and thinking were just not right. I was also suffering from PTSD with traumatic nightmares, which went back to the days when I worked in Trauma ER and would have to cut chests open after gun shot wounds, etc. This all came back to me from 38 years ago.
My mental health was being affected so I decided to retire in Sept 2019 after hitting age 66 when I would have full Social Security Benefits plus Federal Pension from working for the VA.
Plan was to relax and travel but then COVID and isolation came along . My sister had COVID bad, was intubated 16 days and survived but she's not the same. it saddens me that so many have been touched by this virus.
So, all in all , I am physically healthy but mentally not. Would be nice if there was a support group or a zoom chat group to discuss our shared experiences.
Thanks
Stephen
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STEPHEN SMITH
Physician/retired
SANFORD NC
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