Mended Little Hearts Open Forum

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  • 1.  Stressing with each appointment/test

    Posted 03-24-2017 09:48
    I'm sitting here on a Friday morning... Normally my kids are in school by now and I'm doing my thing. However, today is an I service day for all 3 kids, so they are off school. (One in elementary and 2 in middle school.) What I wouldn't give for them to be in school today. I'm so happy that they are still sleeping...

    Not many people can understand what I'm feeling right now. I figured you all would probably understand that anxiety, that dreaded feeling of what are the test results going to show on Monday. Was the surgery a success. If it was a success, how do I deal with the next 6 months till the next screening/testing results? Is this truly corrected and she can go back to a normal life. A life of playing sports, running around and being a normal 9 year old child. I know that some of you have children that will never be able to play competitive sports and makes me sad and I hope it isn't upsetting to bring up that is one thing I hope my daughter can do. Since she was little she has been a fierce little player at sports. She goes and goes and makes the energizer bunny look like a whimp. She's like my oldest son whose at college. 
    I'm thankful she had a guardian angel looking over her and her defect was found before she was a statistic like majority of the children with her defect. How they missed it at birth makes me scratch my head. How she was cleared at the age of 2 and they missed it, makes me scratch my head. That's another thing that has me worried. Did they miss anything else? Is anything else going to come up? Could something else appear in 6 months? A year? 2, 3, 4 years?
    Not ever facility she plays sports at has an AED. How can I work at making it that any sporting facility has an AED, is kept in working order and so forth? I have so many things that run through my mind, I'm lucky to be able in in my current situation as a full time stay at home mom. 

    What frustrates me most through all of this, the ONLY doctor that had the same thing to say each time was the surgeon. So far, each cardiologist has had a different opinion on what's in store for our daughter's future. It's been frustrating! 

    So, trying to hold it all together, traveling back to Baltimore this weekend and then doing the stress test and echocardiogram to see where things stand with her repaired heart on Monday... Praying all is well. That each hiccup she had after the procedure moved us closer to a repair that will last 80 plus years...  But knowing each year (or every 6 months) we will have to go through another excercise stress test, cross our fingers, hope and pray and really not know what this hold the rest of her life through each scan....  I don't mean to sound ungrateful, and I hope I'm not coming across that way. I just think from a parent's standpoint... they say she's clear to resume competitive sports, and be THAT active again... what if? What if they are wrong? What happens as she grows and they don't catch it before the next scan? The only reason we found it the first time was someone watching over her, after being bit by a tick, contracting Lyme disease, and something not sitting well with me by the way she was acting, saying how she was feeling, and never dreamed what they found.. How do I go back to being a mom that is calm, cool and collective and doesn't over react act every little complaint of chest pain, neck pain, pain in her arm and so forth?
    My husband just internalizies everything and trying to talk to him is pointless because even if he's scared you don't know until it's to late. It's the Marine in him. I'm the mom that normally says, you don't call to come home from school unless you have a temperature, you are bleeding, you broke something on the playground or you are throwing up..... With her, it's she has a headache? Ok well try the Tylenol and give me a call within an hour if it's not gone and I will be in to get her. I know as she gets older that will be used to her advantage..lol So how do I start to move out of that mindset now...... 
    Our other kids have all been tested and cleared for any hear defects since her diagnosis. Otherwise I'd have been babying them too.. of what ifs.. But the surgeon suggested based on his experience, testing all the kids. I'm thankful he did that because it was reassuring. Our oldest, who if he suffered the same condition could have died by now if he would have had it. Had numerous issues getting a clear scan of his heart. They had to finally to an MRA on him to be 100% sure he was fine. Didn't help 2 weeks prior he passed out working out in the gym,w

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    Teddy
    Mom to 4, one of which has a repaired right coronary artery w/intramural course.
    Central, PA
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  • 2.  RE: Stressing with each appointment/test

    Posted 03-24-2017 10:01
    Hi, 

    What a GREAT post. Thank you for sharing the things that most of us stress about and opening the conversation about it. It's not silly or strange or wrong that you worry about the things you do. It's funny, when our son was having his open heart surgery at 11 weeks, my husbands main question was "Will we be able to rough house and play with him?" Sounds like a really silly thing to worry about, but....those are things that we value, and we worry about the things that we perceive as affecting us. 

    I don't have great advice, but I can tell you what has worked for me. First: Take each appointment and go with that. So, I try not to stress baout when he's 10, or 15, or 30....I think about today and the time between appointments. I try to let him be as typical as possible. I always try to let him live. Honestly, I struggle with things sometimes but I always rein myself in and think: What would I do if he didn't have a heart defect? And then let that be my guide. I do think that as the years have gone by I know more about how he responds to illnesses and so I can adjust accordingly. He does get sicker, faster than my other kids. So, I know to maintain a closer eye on things like colds or GI bugs. I also know the signs and symptoms of "him". That is important because all kids are different. 

    Other than illnesses, I treat him the same as the other kids. He doesn't get a pass and I let him run and play and engage as much as he wants to. We monitor closely in the summer and the heat, but if he wants to do something we let him. Although, the Dr. has given him the clear to play and be active. There may be restrictions. If there are: Find sports and activities that will fit into those restrictions so you don't have to give everything up. 

    You will find your "new normal". It will be a way of life and it won't be all consuming. I promise that. Moving forward is a process. Sometimes it is a slow moving train though. So, give yourself grace. Make sure you know that it's normal to feel those feelings and you are strong enough to get through it. 

    HUGS! 

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    Andrea Baer
    Director of Patient Advocacy
    Mended Hearts/Mended Little Hearts
    Grapeville PA
    7243967820
    Director of Patient Advocacy
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  • 3.  RE: Stressing with each appointment/test

    Posted 03-24-2017 10:25
    Andrea,
    Thanks for the words of encouragement! The comment you made about your son getting sick and it hitting him harder. That's something that happens with our daughter. It's been like that since birth though. She's the one if she gets sick she's down for days/weeks where the siblings bounce back pretty fast. She has been wearing a mask to school since her return in January. As you know, in our area, and a lot of other areas in the US, sicknesses this winter have been horrible, more so than normal. Kiarra made a video that I hope it's ok to post here. She wanted to bring awareness to not treating people differently. She really is my rock at times. She is so wise for age! Some of the nurses thought I emailed for her when they kept in touch after we left. I was like nope it was ALL her. 3rd grade sometimes writing better than me. (I got lazy after college..lol)

    I hope this video she made can help someone else feel empowered and not different!

    https://youtu.be/kY85Y07zv6M

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    Teddy
    Mom to 4, one of which has a repaired right coronary artery w/intramural course.
    Central, PA
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