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"CARDIAC BLUES"

  • 1.  "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 08-25-2019 00:47
    Hi everyone!
    I'm 14 weeks post op and these last two weeks I think the "cardiac blues" have been creeping up on me. Anyone else experience this? I never realized this recovery would have so many ups and downs. There are days when I'm feeling pretty good physically and emotionally and then a not so very good day will be thrown in there. Trying to stay positive, does anyone have any suggestions? I'm not one to take pills so hopefully this will pass. Thank you : )

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------


  • 2.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 08-26-2019 00:52
    Hello Michelle, you are normal.
    i had quadruple bypass in 1996 and one more in 2010. 
    I also had 3 stents placed in my illiac artery and my right leg so that the blood would flow properly( perifial sartery disease and then a defibrillator and pacemaker 5 years ago. 

    I went through the blues more than once.
    keep a positive attitude always and laugh as much as you can.
    Discuss this with your doctor also.

    Marvin Keyser
    Mended Hearts,Inc.
    National Vice President 
    marvk01@gmail.com
    Weston, Fl.

    ------------------------------
    Marvin Keyser
    Weston FL
    (954) 384-3176
    ------------------------------



  • 3.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-03-2019 16:38
    Hi Marvin,
    Thank you for your reply. I like this, "keep a positive attitude always and laugh as much as you can."
    I think things are looking up for me, I forgot one very important thing with this recovery...time. I was reminded in my rehab everyone's recovery is different and not to get discouraged if I have a setback. I'm going back to work next week so I think that will help as well. Thank you again  : )


    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 4.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-03-2019 16:54
    When in doubt smile





  • 5.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-04-2019 09:25
    Good Morning Marvin,
    I just want to say thank you, this put a smile on my face. I had a bit of a rough night, so much chest discomfort.
    It's a new day, I'm healthy and alive! I'm going to enjoy this beautiful, sunny day, sore chest and all : )

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 6.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-04-2019 09:16
    Dear Michelle 
    as i read all the responses to your concerns, i am thinking how amazing and wonderful this technology is, to provide this opportunity .. that so many people "strangers"  are sharing their reactions to their heart recovery experiences with you.  We are not really strangers ... just friends who haven't physically met .. giving you and each other support.  So much of what has been written rings true for me.  
    Thank you to Mended Hearts for this forum. 

    Gradually you will become interested in doing activities outside of surgery recovery.  Now is the time to take care of your needs so you will be well enough to take care of others ( charity, family, making the world a better place etc )  you will discover why you are here,  why you were "saved", a new purpose for you ..  this will help ease and erase the "blues"  ( notice the the blues is in small case ) 

    Definitely i agree with Ira that time is measured "before and after heart surgery."  For  5 years ,I was in aggressive post op exercise ( 360 minutes a week) then i had knee surgery and got out of the "exercise addiction".   This month is my 7 year Heartaversary ... life is moving on around me.  
     Other things are happening: 3 grandchildren born since then. With time other things will take more importance in your mind.  
    Right now, i live in "before and after My mom died" last December. Taking care of my 92 year old dad has become a priority.

    ------------------------------
    Marilyn Rosenhouse
    Dallas TX
    (214) 850-0219
    ------------------------------



  • 7.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-07-2019 09:48
    Good Morning Marilyn,
    Thank you for sharing your story with me, and such kind words of encouragement : ) It really helps  to know I'm not alone, and with time things will get better.
    Yes, technology is a great thing! This group has been a life saver for me. Everyone on here is so thoughtful and kind : )
    I love the fact that we don't have to be on social media to be a part of this group. I think it really hit me about ten days ago, I deactivated my FB page to focus on my healing. I've never felt any of these feelings before, not only physically but emotionally as well. I couldn't understand why I was feeling so down when I have so much to be thankful for. I didn't want to feel like I was complaining or "poor me" so I kept pretending I was okay. I guess it took a breakdown one day in rehab for me to open up. I now have a whole new understanding of feeling the "blues" and have so much compassion for people that live with these feelings day to day. 
    I'm having more good days now so I think things are looking up for me : )
    I've started getting out more, and will be returning to work the week after next. I've never been more excited to go to work hahaha!
    HAPPY HEARTAVERSAY!!! Yay for you : )
    Congrats on your grandchildren, they;re the best!  I have 2 little grandsons, one is turning 2 on Monday.
    You are a true blessing to your dad. He's very fortunate to have you to take care of him.
    Thank you again for your reply. Enjoy your weekend : )
    Michelle

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 8.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 08-26-2019 07:11
    Hi Michelle,

    Healing physically from open heart surgery can take a full year or longer.  I made rapid progress during my first three months post-op, but the progress became more gradual after that.  I am now eighteen months post-op, in excellent physical condition, able to do everythingI used to do at the gym, but still am not as strong as I was pre-op.  Some days are better than others, but every day feels like a gift.

    Mental healing doesn't really have any timeframe.  I never suffered from post-op depression.  I was filled with gratitude every day just to be alive and still feel that way.  Despite that, I have experienced and continue to experience a vast emotional, psychological and spiritual change from life prior to my heart attack and surgery.  I still find myself recalling life events and categorizing them as pre-surgery or pist-surgery.  It is as if what happened before my surgery occurred in a prior life.  I also find myself uninterested in certain things that I regarded as important pre-surgery, and committed, instead, to interests that I never made much time for before but had always wanted to pursue.  I very much more live in the here and now these days.  I celebrate the anniversaries of my heart attack and surgery as my Alive Days.  I always preferred solitude, and that preference has gotten stronger post-surgery, even as I appreciate the company and assistance of my family and friends more.

    I will never be the same, but that's okay.

    All the best,

    Ira

    ------------------------------
    Ira Reid
    Hoboken NJ
    ------------------------------



  • 9.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-03-2019 16:52
    Hello Ira,
    Thank you for your reply and sharing your story, it gives me hope : )
    I'm halfway through my rehab now and am starting to have fewer restrictions, which is helping me feel better.  I'm still having some discomfort in my chest but as I'm learning that may take a while to fully heal.  I finally got the all clear to go back to work so I'm thinking that will help as well.
    Thank you again for your reply : )

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 10.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 08-26-2019 08:14
    Michelle, Try to understand that you will have good and bad days. Stick to what you have said about not taking pills (Quack meds etc.) as best you can. Once you get started on that path it ultimately can lead to more difficulties. Not saying to absolutely abstain,just know it should be a last resort. I personally struggle with depression that was manageable and mild for years,until I became a heart patient. First go around ok, 12 years later,this time it became overwhelming. Get a good support system, and put faith in the Lord, if you have not yet done so. Keep at it each day,do not isolate. Stay active it helps a lot. Blessings, Jim .





  • 11.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 08-27-2019 10:18
    Michelle,

    My quintuple bypass in January, 2010, followed by complications with my lungs causing lung surgery months later required the expected physical rehab: the mental/emotional aspects were a surprise.
    Such a learning experience that sharing it required an entire book that is described in my website http://www.OneHeartTwoLivescom.wordpress.com.
    An incredibly short glimpse is to think of our bodies as an electrical system that controls us physically and emotionally. Each morning I "primed" it by stretching and being grateful for another day. 
    We cannot change our genes but genes only provide a base line: from there it is up to us. 
    We are a living organism, and even organisms like animals and plants feel. However, only humans were blessed with the power to think and reason: with that power comes the obligation to do so. 

    Hope this incredibly brief philosophy works for you. It worked for me as last week I was hiking at 9,320 feet in Utah, and have bought my season ski pass for 2020.

    Brent Zepke 
       





  • 12.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-04-2019 09:15
    Hi Brent,
    Thank you for your reply. I received your book yesterday. I'm really enjoying it : )
    Congratulations, wow 9320 feet! I have the Sierra Nevada mountain range behind me and can't wait until the day I can go exploring and hiking again.Until then I have to remember it's going to take time and I will get there again one day.
    Thank you again for sharing your story : )

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 13.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-12-2020 14:40
    Hi Brent. I got sick 5 months post OHS. Everything got better Aug 2019. How long did it take to get your energy back? I'm coming up on my 5th month post op from kidney stone surgery (×2). I'm still exhausted. I'm tired of hearing "it takes time" from my doctors. Did you go through this? Thanks for sharing.

    ------------------------------
    Carrie Kashani
    Parapro
    ISD
    White Bear Lake MN
    ------------------------------



  • 14.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-13-2020 00:03
    Hi Carrie,
    I had an emergency double bypass May 15, 2019. It was quite a surprise being I thought I was relatively healthy. I felt the depression creeping up on me sometime in August. With the help from the wonderful members in this group and the amazing nurses and fellow rehabbers at my cardiac rehab, I've been able to work through it without any medications. One of my nurses had suggested I see a therapist who also specializes in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). My therapist also has experience with heart patients so that is definitely a plus.  It has been helping me tremendously!  I also read Brent's book and really enjoyed it, One Heart Two Lives. We really do have a pre OHS and a post OHS life. At times I was struggling with the new diet changes and all the restrictions I had for the first six months. There were also times when I  wondered why I was saved (my widow maker was severely clogged) A friend of mine wasn't so fortunate the day after super bowl last year. Then there were many times when I wasn't sure why I felt the way I did but I just knew I wasn't the same. I'm back at work full time now and have also started getting back into my outdoor adventures, along with short hikes. I know one day these hikes will become longer but for now I just enjoy the beauty of the outdoors again.  I still have days when I have tenderness in my chest or feel a little more tired than usual after some activities but I try not to let it get me down. (Anyone else still feel tenderness in their chest 8 months out???)
    I know what you mean when people say it takes time, but I've learned from this group that it's okay if it takes you a little longer than others and to not get discouraged. I hope some of this will help you, just know you are not alone in how you are feeling. Best of luck to you as you continue to heal.
    Enjoy your week : )
    Michelle

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 15.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-23-2020 17:38
    Michelle,

    I did a search about cardiac blues and found your post. How are you doing? My ascending aortic valve repair was in mid-September and my emotions have been nothing short of a roller coaster. However, it could be attributed to tRump fatigue! LOL

    I have found that walking a few miles with my dog daily helps and I am back to working out with weights and a home TRX system. I do have to consciously watch my wine consumption, after all alcohol is a depressant. 

    Hang in there and thank you for continuing to share your story!

    ------------------------------
    Laurie Barrera
    Boise ID
    ------------------------------



  • 16.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-25-2020 11:00
    Good Morning Laurie,
    I'm doing a lot better!!  Thank you so much for asking : )
    I think my emotional roller coaster ride started my 3rd month of recovery. All the restrictions, the lifestyle changes, along with the "blues"  that had kicked in, and not understanding why I was feeling the way I did was very hard for me. I feel very fortunate that I had a wonderful rehab team, a great therapist and all of you members in this group!! Yes, I've found that keeping up with my regular exercise routine helps a lot as well. I know what you mean by watching your wine consumption, I didn't want to add to my depressed feelings LOL! Being back at work full time and getting out on my weekend adventures has helped tremendously! Best of luck to you on your continued recovery and thank you so much for your kind words!
    Enjoy your weekend : )
    Michelle
    (I've attached a pic of two goofy fellas I came across on my adventure last weekend)


    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 17.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-26-2020 12:52
      |   view attached
    Weekends are the best! Here is my reason to get outdoors!

    ------------------------------
    Laurie Barrera
    Boise ID
    ------------------------------



  • 18.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-26-2020 23:20
    Awe, he's so cute! I'm sure he's been a very special part of your recovery as well : )
    I have a Beagle and chocolate lab, I sure enjoyed the extra time I was able to spend with them while off work.
    Michelle

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 19.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-13-2020 13:05
    Hello all,
    I had my CABG X4 on March 24, 2015. I had a pacemaker installed on 15 August 2017. My chest scar became keloid and the itching and raw wound feeling made it almost unbearable. Had the scar revision surgery 21 November 2017. 90% success of keloid removal after surgery. A small amount of keloid returned mid sternum. Here it is January of 2020 and I still have some scar tenderness. My sternum still has a few spots that are sensitive to small amounts of pressure. I still get depressed at times. Carrie, Michelle, and all you other folks don't worry about the aches and pains that you are having.  Some folks completely heal without issues, while some of us will have major issues. 
    We are all different, I have arthritis as well, some folks have asthma or other issues. All these things also affect how your healing will progress. I have been treated for PTSD due to my military service many years before my heart issues, but I had to deal with my post-op depression separately. 
    As an accredited visitor I have met with folks that are dealing with issues far greater than mine and they were some of the happiest people I have ever met. Yet other folks with something a simple as a Stint are feeling like their world has come to an end. 
    The key is, how you deal with this new life is totally up to you. 
    My wife and I have sold our home and are now traveling full time in an RV all over the country. I see my doctor on the fly, schedule appointments around the trips and get my meds on the road. (Thanks Rite-aid & CVS) I have portable O2 for high altitudes and we just keep on seeing and meeting all over the country.
    I rest when I need to and have just decided to go explore. I am not able to do some things I like so I do other things instead. I want you all to know you can have pain and soreness and still have fun. You are limited in some directions, but not all. Ups and downs were in your life before your heart events, but we took them for granted and blew them off. but with being in bed longer and moving slower we have more time to dwell on them now. It does get better in you want it too. ����.  Wow, I did not mean to give a sermon. I just felt the need to say some things. This is also part of how I deal with my depression. I sometimes need to talk it out. Thank you for allowing me to vent, and Happy New Year to all.

    Richard Short 
    Chapter 395





  • 20.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-13-2020 14:01
    I had a quad CABG on February 24, 2005 and a ICD in November 2007. Have a chest keloid that never went away, but it doesn't bother me.
    As far as depression is concerned, I don't get down any more than the average person, but find myself crying at many things, movies, TV shows, etc. But being Italian-American, I chalk it up to being an emotional person.
    When I joined a Grafted Heart group here in Cleveland, I met patients in better shape and worse shape than me. But never did my situation seem that hopeless that I was depressed. Yet I can sympathize with those who do experience those emotions.
    Being involved in a support group can be an uplifting experience. Having been a cancer survivor as well since 1999, I met with survivors there as well. Both groups helped me appreciate my life and to make the best of anything that comes along. I hope that all of you can get to that level.


    --
    Frank Caruso
    WWW.CARUSOIMAGES.COM
    440-829-1386





  • 21.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-21-2020 14:27
    Thank you Richard. Your "sermon" reminds us all of our blessings 

    Marilyn B. Rosenhouse
    Mobile: (214)850-0655






  • 22.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-14-2020 10:07

    Richard-

                  You make a valuable point about life bringing us ups-and-downs before our surgeries, which we tended to more easily get over as things that would pass; being brushed by mortality makes it more difficult though. I also couldn't agree more that we are all different and will have different experiences to similar traumas but I think you are being a bit harsh to say it is "totally up to" each of us how we respond. By the time some people get hit with heart surgery, the circumstances of their lives may have left them ill-equipped to get over the experience, and to suggest they have this capacity and not recognizing these difficulties may lead them to blame themselves and compound their problems.

    Bob Levin

    Berkeley, CA

     

    Sent from Mail for Windows 10

     






  • 23.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-14-2020 10:57
    Richard and Bob,

    I think Richard's "totally up to you" comment warrants some additional commentary.  I agree with Richard in the sense that, no matter how ingrained a viewpoint we may hold, it is not based on the circumstances of our lives,​ but rather our beliefs about how we "need" to or are "supposed" to react to those circumstances.  These beliefs are what we have accepted from childhood through the current da,y based on societal, familial, religious and other values and beliefs we have adopted, usually without consciously thinking about it.  While these beliefs may serve us well in adapting to society, they also may cause us to react in a manner that we are "supposed to," depressed, for example, when something traumatic occurs in our lives.  In fact, however, we are not required to feel any particular way based solely on the occurrence of an event.  If it were otherwise, then everybody would react in the identical way under identical circumstances, instead of the myriad ways that people actually react to the same or similar events.

    What really is happening is that we ignore the present moment in favor of projecting what we believe/fear will be our lives in a future that doesn't exist except in our imaginations.  Here's an example.  About nine years ago, I suffered a lower back injury lifting weights that left me with a severe case of sciatica for nearly a month.  The pain was so excruciating that I could barely get to the bathroom.  I also had no idea when or if the pain would subside.  If someone had told me the day before my injury, that I was going to be in excruciating pain for the next month, I probably would have been very upset and wondered how I would survive such hell.  As it turned out, though, that month was one of the happiest periods in my life, during which I was free from the concerns of work, watched great movies on TV (to was 30 days to Oscar on TCM) and read the recently published collected works of a psychotherapist teacher of mine with whom I trained while an undergraduate during the halcyon days of the early 70's.  My reality turned out nothing like what I likely would have imagined it.  This is because our fantasies of what the future will mean for us always lack the multidimensional elements that we can't imagine in the grip of our fears, and because we fail to recognize those fears for what they actually are; beliefs about an imagined reality that doesn't exist other than in our own minds.

    Ultimately, we all have the power to examine our underlying beliefs about why we think we need to feel a particular way about a particular event, whether or not we actually exercise that power.  In fact, once we recognize that we have the ability to examine and possibly discard such beliefs if they are not working for us, we also gain the awareness that "totally up to you" really means that we are free, and not condemned to suffer our "fate" in someway that we may believe is necessary but actually is conditioned upon our own beliefs.

    Sorry about the dissertation, folks, but thinking about this stuff is how I actually enjoy occuping my time.

    Ira


    ------------------------------
    Ira Reid
    Hoboken NJ
    ------------------------------



  • 24.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-25-2020 10:14
    Good Morning Ira, I always enjoy reading your replies, no matter what thread they may be on. Have you every thought of writing a book? After my surgery when my Dr told me I was going to be off work for 6 months I too thought how am I going to survive?! I survived, and learned a lot during those months. With all my restrictions during that time I started reading, watching movies, but the best thing of all...I started playing my piano again.  I hadn't realized how much I had missed it. Sometimes we get so busy in life we forget to take the time to enjoy the small things that bring us so much joy.
    If you ever decide to write a book I know I would enjoy reading it!
    Enjoy your Saturday : )
    Michelle

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 25.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-25-2020 12:43
    Hi Michelle,

    It's interesting that you raised the question about me writing a book.  I've been writing, mostly poetry, on and off since high school and, for the past few years, was planning to retire so that I could revise and publish my existing work, and write on a full time basis.  Since my heart attack and surgery, I've also had the desire to write about my heart experience and the lessons I've learned.

    I'm now planning to retire from the full time practice of law this year, and am looking forward to kickstarting my writing career.  I'm not sure, right now, whether I'll produce a prose book about my heart experience because I've got this thought that I may be able to do it poetically.  There is some precedent to this.  The great Israeli poet Abba Kovner wrote an excellent book of poetry about his throat cancer experience entitled "Sloan Kettering."  Earlier, William Ernest Henley, a Victorian poet and close friend of Robert Louis Stevenson, wrote  "Hospital Poems" about his struggles with tuberculosis.  They've inspired me to do the same if my much more limited gift will allow.

    Anyway, I'll keep you posted.

    Have a great day,

    Ira

    ------------------------------
    Ira Reid
    Hoboken NJ
    ------------------------------



  • 26.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-26-2020 23:37
    Good Evening Ira,
    My mother wrote poetry for many years. She had some of her work published before her passing in 2017. I will definitely be looking forward to reading your book(s)!  In the meantime, I will enjoy reading all of your encouraging and kind replies right here in our group!
    Have a great week!
    Michelle

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 27.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-15-2020 15:27
    Robert,
    Thank you for pointing that out, and I had no intention of minimizing the time it takes for some of us to recover our mental and physical health after being hit with several setbacks. 
    We have all seen where someone head a heart issue, and they may be lost a loved one or was hit with another medical condition. All that takes a toll and can slow us down or put us in a deep funk.
    That is where we as a group are helping each other by relating our stories. When I read a lady has had a valve replacement and was then hit with a possible cancer diagnosis and is awaiting test results while also dealing with being a caregiver herself, and she says everything will be OK because she is going to keep a positive attitude. Well, that removes my excuse for being depressed. She was showing all of us that we are not alone in facing our fears and concerns.
    Yes, it will be harder for some than others, but regardless only we as individuals can the choice of moving forward or not. 
    Again, thank you for challenging the way I put things. I am glad you and others are out there helping to show we all care about each other's recovery.

    Richard Short
    Chapter 395  





  • 28.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-15-2020 22:09
    Richard that is it. I'M IN A FUNK!!! This group is great. Reading all the responses about "cardiac blues" has really explained everything about me. A little of this and a little of that from everyone's comments and I find myself. Maybe I do need to just do it because its OK for me to celebrate that "I survived"! I did go through a lot and it is hard to grasp all of what happened.Kidney stone surgery was so hard and painful. I had to have foot long stent in my ureter to the kidney for the stone to pass after it was broken up. My second night home I woke up very sick and ended up having to call and ambulance to take be back to the hospital. Ended up getting a terrible infection and still had stones too big in my kidney so I had to go through surgery again to get those out. Ten days I had to have that stent in and that was just as hard as hard as OHS. Everything happened so fast. Before heart surgery I was just Carrie. Now I am a different Carrie and I am excited to see who this Carrie is. Here's the kicker....Since I spent my 50th bday recovering from OHS my sister and I planned a vacation to Napa Valley, CA to bring in my big 5-0 is style. Well the kidney stone happened just before our trip. I had to get discharged from the hospital the day before our flight. I had to go to wine country with that nasty stent in. We had the vacation planned for so long that there was no way I was going to cancel so I just endured....and had a good time :) So thank you for helping me figure out my funk. Let's see where I go from here!

    ------------------------------
    Carrie Kashani
    Parapro
    ISD
    White Bear Lake MN
    ------------------------------



  • 29.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-16-2020 13:30
    Hello Carrie,
    You are going to go to places and have more fun than ever before. My wife and I are traveling full time in our RV now. I just saw my cardiologist last week and he told me I am doing fine with my heart but I have now developed Emphysema. Oh, Joy! I am not troubled by that because it gave me answers as to why I cough so much. I am not a smoker but grew up in a family of smokers and secondhand smoke seems to have gotten me. But now I have an answer and I can address the issue. I now have O2 and inhalers to use. Just another tool to make life easier. 
    I am glad you went to wine country. Wine always makes me happy. ��
    Take care and looking forward to hearing good things from you in the future.

    Richard Short
    Chapter 395





  • 30.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-25-2020 09:50
    Good Morning Richard, thank you for sharing your story. I enjoyed reading your reply. It's a nice reminder for me to know I'm not alone in some of the things I've been feeling and/or going through. With the help of this group, a wonderful rehab team, a great therapist and more normalcy in my life I'm happy to say I'm definitely doing much better. I still at times may have a  moment of anxiety (whenever I feel a pain or two) but that is something I'm still working thru. Which I feel I've come along way, so things are def. looking up! Safe travels and enjoy all your beautiful adventures!!

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 31.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-25-2020 10:39
    Emotional issues are complicated. Years ago when I asked the mayor of Knoxville about standing alone on an issue, he said "I came into this world naked and alone. There are just somethings you must do alone." To that I would add being wheeled into surgery. Others like family, friends and medical professionals, may care: but you are physically alone on the gurney.  I say "physically" out of deference to religious beliefs. 

    Friends and professionals can offer one type of assistance on emotional issues, and Mended Hearts offers an opportunity for sharing of similar experiences. However, the ultimate resolution of our emotional issues can only be accomplished by each of us: alone.

    At first I found this thought process to be daunting, but ultimately liberating.   






  • 32.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-25-2020 13:05
    Brent,

    I think you hit the nail on the head when you said about having to resolve emotional issues alone that "At first I found this thought process to be daunting, but ultimately liberating."

    I also find the aloneness liberating.  Perhaps the reason for this is that, when we recognize that the experience is ours alone, and our emotional response is ours alone, we also realize that there is nothing external to us that prevents or limits us from finding our own peace with what has happened to us.  We are free.

    Ira

     


    ------------------------------
    Ira Reid
    Hoboken NJ
    ------------------------------



  • 33.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-25-2020 18:01
    Ira,
    Thank you. I agree with the other sentiments here that a book may be in your future! Your words so accurately express the emotional/mental conundrum that I feel and I believe others on this site feel. When I first found out about my heart condition, I wanted so badly to find someone going through the same thing. Even after finding someone with the same condition, I realize that everyone’s journey is truly their own. This forum however continually helps me, especially during the challenging times. Thanks everyone. 🙏🏼♥️




  • 34.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-25-2020 19:07
    Thank you so much, Jill.  I more than anything want to share my thoughts, feelings and insights.  People like you, Michelle, Bob and others reinforce that feeling and I will do my best not to disappoint you.

    All the best,

    Ira

    ------------------------------
    Ira Reid
    Hoboken NJ
    ------------------------------



  • 35.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 01-13-2020 13:10
    Carrie,

    I am not familiar with kidney surgery. The generally quoted return from heart surgery to relatively normal energy is six months, although it must vary greatly on the person.

    My rehab from my quintuple bypass was handicapped by the surgery rubbing the lubricant off the side of my lungs. With every breath my lungs were irritated by the friction with surrounding organs. To combat, my body was sending so much fluids into my chest that my body was unable to dispose of it. As it accumulated, every breath became more difficult. In my words "I smouthering myself much like a snake does to its prey." This sequence led to two procedures to remove two liters of fluid from my chest, followed by lung surgery almost four months later. I am not certain the value of my rehab during that time.

    After my lung surgery, I slowly increased my physical activities but remained pretty weak for months. In my fifth month, while walking on a track I spontaneously decided to jog again. Physically my efforts were a few shaky steps: but mentally it was "game changing." But from that moment forth my attitude shifted from being in rehab to being an out-of-shape athlete. On that track at Pepperdine University, I established a set on intermittent goals, every one of which I celebrated, culminating with jogging three miles on the anniversary of my second life: crossing that finish line was an incredible high.

    I relate this to illustrate that my experience is the mental aspect. I laughing borrow a Michal Jackson song to illustrate the important of my attitude altering who I see when "I look at the man in the mirror:" an out-of-shape athlete motivates my subconscious differently than a patient rehabbing.

    Hope this is helpful.    





    ------------------------------
    Brent Zepke
    Santa Barbara CA
    (805) 698-4651
    ------------------------------



  • 36.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-04-2019 09:03
    Hi James,
    Thank you for your reply. I've started getting out more and have noticed that has helped quite a bit. I will be going back to work soon so I'm thinking that will help as well. I think I just have to accept the fact that the healing process is going to take more time. I think that's what gets me down at times. Some days I'm doing really well then the next day I have to take it easy. My Dr said due to my diabetes it may take me longer to heal. Joining this group has sure helped me with this recovery.
    Thank you again for sharing your story : )

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 37.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 08-26-2019 08:46

    Michelle,

    Depression – different levels for different folks – is common after open heart surgery. I believe I have heard the percentage as about 30% of folks have some depression.

    I think your idea of thinking positive thoughts and maybe calling friends for a chat more often are two of the more simple aides.

    You are not alone – keep after it and you should see improvement as time goes forward.

    CABG 2007

    Cryo Ablation for Atrial Fibrillations December 2017

    Volunteer for Mended Hearts and volunteer in the Cardiac OR area one day per week, visiting families in the waiting room to give them the status of the operation

    Joe J Ft Myers

     






  • 38.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-04-2019 09:38
    Hi Joe,
    Thank you for your reply. I started getting out more the past few days and have noticed that has helped. I'm not really comfortable talking about my sadness with family or friends, I don't want to feel like I'm complaining. This group and all of you with your kind words of encouragement is helping me get through this, along with my cardiac rehab. I think things are looking up for me : )
    Thank you again : )

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 39.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 08-26-2019 10:06

    Michelle-

                  As has been said here before, everyone's experience is different, but depression in one form or another is not uncommon. My cardiologist prescribed an anti-depressant for me, which I found helpful. (People's experiences with these differ too.) Others find the support of Mended Hearts meetings or other groups helpful. (You are not a pill person; I guess I am not a meeting person.) Look, it's life; no guarantees whichever way you turn; but you say you are staying positive and that's a good thing and good luck to you.

    Bob Levin

    Berkeley

     

    Sent from Mail for Windows 10

     






  • 40.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-04-2019 10:47
    Hi Bob,
    Thank you for your reply. I'm so thankful for this group. I'm learning I'm not alone in my feelings, not only emotionally but physically as well. I'm definitely finding the support I need with this group : )

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 41.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 08-26-2019 10:42
    Michelle, Depresion is very common after heart surgery, about 80% of
    the people go through some form of depression, Talk to your doctor
    about this he can recommend a mild antidepressant to help you through
    this stage.

    --
    Fred G. Sparling
    President Mended Hearts of the San Gabriel Valley
    Covina, CA
    626-893-1014




  • 42.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-05-2019 13:08
    Good Morning Fred,
    Thank you for your reply : )
    I'm so thankful I joined this group, it helps me to know I'm not alone in how I'm feeling. I've started getting out more and have been discussing my feelings with my cardiac nurses. This recovery sure has it's ups and downs but I feel things are starting to look up for me : )
    Thank you : )
    Michelle

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 43.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-05-2019 13:23
    Hi Michelle,

    This group is lucky to have you as a new member.  I believe that you have personally thanked every person who responded to your original post.  I can't tell you how impressed I am with your graciousness.  If everyone was as thoughtful as you, this would be an immeasurably better world.

    Thank you giving us the gift of your company.

    Ira

    ------------------------------
    Ira Reid
    Hoboken NJ
    ------------------------------



  • 44.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-07-2019 10:12
    Awe Ira, thank you so much! What a beautiful way to start my day, smiling!!!!!
    A BIG thank you for being so kind! I think we are all very fortunate to have YOU as a member : )
    Have a wonderful weekend : )
    Michelle

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 45.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-06-2019 09:05
    Hi Michelle and everyone!
    I had open heart surgery almost 7 months ago after finding out that I had a congenital heart condition at 49! I’m a very healthy person and it was a shock to learn I had a large hole in my heart (ASD Primum) since birth, so big that it doesn’t make a “swish” sound that a stethoscope could hear. So, it’s been a rough ride but I’m thankful. The cardiac blues are real but no different than the general blues, at least for me, because I’m familiar with them both. Staying focused on the positive, being thankful, getting my rest, eating and drinking right ALL HELP. I’m now taking even better care of myself. For this, I’m most grateful. It’s wonderful to “meet” you all and share stories. Today I graduate from Cardiac Rehab!!! I love everyone there. I will miss the nurses and other patients so I’m glad to find this forum. Love and light to you ALL ❣️❤️😊




  • 46.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-07-2019 10:51
    Good Morning Jill,
    Thank you for your reply. Wow, that would be quite a shock! Congratulations on your graduation and your recovery : )
    I still have 11 more sessions. I know what you mean when you say you will miss everyone. We create such an awesome bond with our fellow rehabbers along with the nurses. We had 2 people graduate yesterday and one of the nurses said it was bittersweet saying goodbye. Kind of like sending a kid off to college she said haha!
    I never realized this recovery would have so many ups and downs. I'm so thankful for this group and everyone on it. It has been a huge part of my recovery this past month. I'm learning from everyone on here that what I'm feeling is all normal and it will get easier in time. 
    I've started getting out more so I think that has helped a lot. I still have some fears and anxieties but I've been working through those with the help of the wonderful nurses at rehab.
    I was informed about the "cardiac blues" when I was discharged but didn't really understand the feeling until it hit me. I've learned that they are real. It has given me a much better understanding for depression and even more compassion for people that live with this.
    I was taken off the arm machines this week, again, due to inflammation in my chest. I'm back on the Tylenol and ice pack.  Instead of getting frustrated or down this time around I'm remaining positive and thankful : )
    It's nice meeting you as well, best of luck to you on your continued recovery!
    Again, thank you for sharing your story and have a wonderful weekend : )
    Michelle


    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 47.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 08-27-2019 14:00
    Hi Michelle. I am 9 weeks post op from a Mitral Valve surgery.  About week 4 I started to notice the "cardiac depression" creeping in. I experienced a lot of anxiety, panic attacks, I cried at the drop of a hat, I felt zapped of all my energy and NOTHING could hold my interest. I discovered this forum while researching cardiac depression and I befriended a fellow Mitral Valve patient who just so happened to have had her surgery on the same day as mine. Jenny saved my life. We exchanged personal contact information and I have texted or spoken to her every day since then. We call each other heart sisters. Being able to talk personally with someone  who was going through this difficult time, sharing our recovery, our fears and anxiety and our milestones together made my depression more tolerable.  I learned I was not alone in what I was feeling.  My husband has truly been amazing and a source of unending support as well it's just that he couldn't possibly understand what I was dealing with no matter how hard he tried. But finding people or a person that did helped me so much. Part of my depression and anxiety was also feeling that "I'd never be the same or I was never going to "get better". I was never one to be idle and my brain was still telling me to go, go , go but my body had other plans. It needed time to heal and I am not a patient person. Another thing that added to my depression was all these "timelines" for recovery. At six weeks you should be here able to do this and if I wasn't I would become more depressed. I remember marking everyday off my calendar to the magical 6 week mark. I had told myself well "you have to be better by then"  and looking back now I was in many ways better then at 4 weeks but not back to "normal" by any means and normal was the only thing I wanted to be.  I decided to try to not put so much stock in the timeframe of recovery but into actually recovering. I started instead to concentrate on helping my body to heal. I stopped pushing myself to do things  physically that I thought I should be doing at 6 weeks or was told I should be able to do at 6 weeks by the internet or the pamphlet the hospital gave me upon discharge and instead I would tell myself "it's okay to take things slowly while my body and heart heal". It's okay to have no energy. To rest a lot. I started walking to build up my stamina. I researched what foods I should be eating to help my body heal. I threw out my calendar and stopped Googling recovery time lines and how long does it take for the sternum to heal. Finally in this past week I feel like I've made some progress both physically and mentally.  It only happened for me when I finally accepted that my body is going to take whatever time it needs and I can't push it and I had to believe that I would get better in time.  I just had to accept that I couldn't really control when. That I wasn't  in control at all really. Now, I still have days when I get down or frustrated and cry but they are much fewer and farther in between. Our bodies and minds have been through such a major trauma and it will take time for both to heal. I'm sorry to have rambled on and on and I hope this helps you in some small way.  I wish you nothing but happiness and good health. 

    Cyndi

    ------------------------------
    Cynthia Maxfield
    Housewife
    Centennial CO
    ------------------------------



  • 48.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-07-2019 12:09
    Good Morning Cyndi,
    Oh my gosh, thank you for sharing your story. I'm thankful you rambled on, this has helped me more than you know! This sounds so much like my life!!! This is exactly what and how I've been feeling! I was marking my calendar as well and couldn't wait til my 3 month mark! I thought I was going to be back to "my" normal by then, as if something magical was going to happen. 
    I've had a bit of a setback this past week, I have inflammation in my chest again. Instead of getting frustrated or down I also accepted the fact that it's going to take more time. I'm focusing on all the positive and good I have in my life. And if I never return to "my" normal again, I'm okay with that too. I figure I will come out of this a better version of my old self : )
    So happy to hear you are having more better days : )
    Have a wonderful weekend and best of luck to you on your continued recovery!
    Thank you again for sharing your story! Here's to us and our healing : )
    Michelle

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 49.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-10-2019 11:39
    Hi Cyndi,

    Great post. I know exactly how you feel. I was always a hard-driving, goal-oriented, high achiever my whole life and I was frustrated that I wasn't meeting the timelines for recovery and it definitely contributed to my "cardiac blues". I finally had to realize that some things are out of my control and I just have to let go and let my body heal at whatever pace it needs to. Although at 5 months post-op I'm still having complications arise that are slowing down my recovery, I have accepted the fact that the new "normal" may be different than what normal was before my surgery. My surgery was the result of having 5 blood clots in my heart, any one of which should have killed me, so I just do my best to focus on the fact that even when I don't feel good (which truthfully is most of the time) at least I'm still alive, I can still walk around and I'm back to work. We just have to celebrate the small victories and not worry about winning the race.

    Wishing you continued healing and blessings.

    Best regards,
    Brett

    ------------------------------
    Brett Temple
    Project Manager
    Sarasota FL
    ------------------------------



  • 50.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 08-27-2019 17:28
    Michelle: I know what you mean by the "cardiac blues".  I've had them and almost every heart event survivor I know has had them.  May I recommend two outstanding books that were helpful to me in addition to the therapy I engaged in with a clinical psychologist who works with only heart patients.  The books are Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger and Christine A. Padesky.  Both are Ph Ds and offer very practical realistic do it yourself work that leads to banishing the "cardiac blues."  The second book was very helpful; it is A New and Better Now: Gratitude and the Art of Thriving After a Heart Event by Michael Hesser.  He knows what he is  talking about because he is a heart event survivor having undergone a 7 hour quadruple-bypass.  I hope you find a way beyond the cardiac blues.  Best to you in your recovery.

    ------------------------------
    William Hess
    Accredited Mended Hearts Volunteer and Chapter Membership Chair
    Chapter 081
    Altanta, GA
    (404) 452-8464
    ------------------------------



  • 51.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 08-28-2019 08:40
    Its almost 7 years since my open heart surgery with complications ( including medically induced comma, cardiogenic shock, rehab and other issues).  ( the doctors said i am a medical miracle.... but that's not so easy to accept). The advices that everyone here have given you are excellent....especially the knowledge that we all heal at different speeds is the most important. I also suggest that you talk to your medical team.  Antidepressants and anti anxiety medications have their place in your recovery; and  you can wean off them.   Going to a Mended Hearts  meeting or other support group was helpful to me. My family and friends were extremely supportive but they didn't get that coming so close to "being almost dead"  and fear of being disabled aren't so easy to bounce back from emotionally.  You are doing the best thing: asking for help.... and "doing nothing" is not nothing . Your body needs lots of rest as part of the  healing process  .... balanced by getting up and doing therapy and activities around home and out

    ------------------------------
    Marilyn Rosenhouse
    Dallas TX
    (214) 850-0219
    ------------------------------



  • 52.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-09-2019 10:38
    Good Morning Marilyn,
    Thank you for sharing your story. You are very right, I need to remember it's going to take time and we do all heal at different speeds. I've started reading a book that was suggested on this forum and it has helped quite a bit. I've started getting out more and have stopped feeling so guilty when not doing anything.
    Enjoy your week and thank you again for your reply : )
    Michelle

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 53.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-09-2019 10:32
    Good Morning William,
    Thank you very much for the info. I did find these books on Amazon and will be ordering them. I'm currently reading a book that was suggested here on this forum. It seems to be helping. I think things are starting to look up for me : )
    Enjoy your week and thank you again for the info!
    Michelle

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 54.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-02-2019 17:01
    Feeling the same way. You are not alone

    ------------------------------
    Michael Schneider
    ------------------------------



  • 55.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-02-2019 18:28
    I am beginning to wonder how much of the “cardiac blues” is specific to heart patients or a depression related to bring so sick for a lengthy time, cooped up in hospital. Is “cardiac blues “ different than someone suffering from cancer , stroke, other terrible illnesses. Many of us heart patients are fortunate to eventually get back to our new nirnal. With an appreciation for the good

    Marilyn B. Rosenhouse
    Mobile: (214)850-0655




  • 56.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-02-2019 18:47
    Marilyn,

    This is just my personal opinion, but I do not believe that what we call "cardiac blues" is specific to heart patients.  Most people have expectations about how their lives are "supposed to be" or what constitutes a good life or what they deserve because they are good people and, when things like heart attacks, open heart surgery, ALS or cancer intervene, they're left wondering why did this happen to me or my wife or mother/father or, even worse, my child.

    We live our lives, each and every moment, seeking and hoping that are dreams will be fulfilled, but the fact of our mortality, and the mortality of those we love, is an everpresent fact that we cannot escape.  Whether we suffer or recover from cardiac blues, or avoid it altogether, depends on whether and to what extent we have accepted that our mortality is inevitable but that our ability to love while we are here is unlimited and unconquerable.

    Ira

    ------------------------------
    Ira Reid
    Hoboken NJ
    ------------------------------



  • 57.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-02-2019 19:04

                  I've been enjoying this discussion – and my two-cents is that anyone who's had a serious illness may well have some variety of blues but the only authority I can think to cite at the moment is Jimmie ("The Singing Brakeman") Rogers's "T. B. Blues."

                  One interesting distinction between cancer and cardiovascular problems was pointed out to me by my cardiologist (See: Levin and Levin. I WILL KEEP YOU ALIVE. P. 159) "...cancer is something from outside, an invader, an enemy fighting against your body, But your heart is part of you.... You can not be mad at your heart."

    Bob Levin

     

    Sent from Mail for Windows 10

     






  • 58.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-02-2019 19:42
    Everyone:

       Nice encouraging thoughts, thank you 😊

    ------------------------------
    Michael Schneider
    ------------------------------



  • 59.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-02-2019 21:32
    Sorry for my typos
    New normal 
    Being sick. Not bring sick etc. 

    Marilyn B. Rosenhouse
    Mobile: (214)850-0655






  • 60.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-09-2019 11:52
    Good Morning Michael,
    I've been feeling better this past week. I have taken a lot of advice from the others on this forum and it has helped me tremendously. I've also started reading one of the books suggested on here and plan on reading the others. That has seemed to help as well. Some parts of the book even gave me a good laugh since that was the same thing I was feeling and thinking.
    I hit a pretty low a couple weeks ago and really didn't understand why until I realized I was tired of being tired, tired of being sore,  tired of still having so many restrictions, tired of pretending I was okay, and more importantly tired of having fears and anxieties of the "what ifs". I didn't want to seem ungrateful or like I was complaining so I kept it all in until one day I had a mental breakdown at rehab! I guess that was what I needed. I have learned that sometimes it's okay to not be okay and it will get better with time and patience. My "blues" lasted for a few weeks and I'm here to say it will get better and you will find yourself smiling and enjoying life again : )
    I found that staying positive no matter how hard it was at times helped me as well. 
    Best of luck to you on your recovery, you can do it!!
    Enjoy your week : )
    Michelle

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 61.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-06-2019 09:48
    Hi Michelle,

    I had a triple bypass in April and went through it myself, and I'm very much a positive mental attitude kind of person. I don't know if it's because the heart is the center of our being and anything dealing with the heart triggers thoughts of our own mortality or if it's just that it takes so long to feel better after open heart surgery that you just get tired of feeling like crap. What helps me is always having an "attitude of gratitude". I make it a point to be grateful for every day I have, even on the days I don't fell well. You will be amazed by how just that one little thing can make a big difference in how you feel. :-)

    ------------------------------
    Brett Temple
    Project Manager
    Sarasota FL
    ------------------------------



  • 62.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-09-2019 12:07
    Good Morning Brett,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story, I like your way of thinking.
    I've pretty much been a positive person as well so it was a little difficult for me to understand why I was feeling this way when I have so much to be thankful for. You're very right when you say tired of feeling like crap. I think that was some of it for me, as well as thoughts of my own mortality. I still have a few fears but I'm working on them. I've been taking advise from all of you, as well as reading one of the books suggested on here, I've been feeling pretty good this past week : )
    I've definitely learned a lot with this recovery and have a whole new appreciation for such simple things in life : )
    Thank you again for your encouraging words. Enjoy your week : )
    Michelle

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 63.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-09-2019 15:05
    Hi Michelle, 

    You are exactly right! It's ok to have a bad day, and break down. It's not ok to stay there. That's what I tell myself. I'm a caregiver and my son is 10 now. He was born with a congenital heart defect and has had open heart surgery. I find myself tired and overwhelmed, and really....Thinking I was strange for being so overwhelmed or upset or angry (enter any feeling here). Once I was able to realize that I wasn't alone and that it wasn't strange to have a bad day it has helped me so much. 
    Hang in there and know you aren't alone. The journey is a marathon not a sprint (for sure!). I hope you can find small things each day to be grateful for. Keep sharing and talking. I know that others feel the same way you do. 

    Have a great week!

    ------------------------------
    Andrea Baer
    Grapeville PA
    (724) 396-7820
    ------------------------------



  • 64.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-10-2019 10:55
    ​Hi Everyone,

    I've noticed that there is a common theme in many of these posts.  For many people, the blues seem to be compounded or made worse by a belief that "I shouldn't feel this way" or "I shouldn't feel this way for too long" or "I should be feeling better/doing more/ progressing/etc. by this time" or "I don't want to be burdening people" and similar statements.  It's as if many of us believe that there is a normal/appropriate way to be or feel, physically or emotionally, and that we and/or life "should" be a particular way.  

    When we recognize that we are thinking in terms of "should" or "supposed to be," it might be helpful to question why we believe that our lives/feelings/behavior need to be that way.  In my own experience, I have found that when I've dug down deeply into the reasons for my "should" beliefs, I've come to realize that maybe my beliefs were mistaken and that I don't need to feel badly about the thing that was bothering me after all.  I have found, for example, that when I question a belief that "I shouldn't feel this way" I'll come up with an answer such as "because if I didn't feel this way it would mean that I'm a bad person, or I wouldn't be motivated to change or get help or I would somehow be harmful to my own interests."  At that point, I would usually recognize that I don't really believe these things at all, and that X wouldn't mean that I'm a bad person or that Y wouldn't mean that I wouldn't be motivated to get help, etc. 

    At that point, I feel much better.  The pain, problem, issue hasn't necessarily gone away, but at least I'm no longer compounding it by being unhappy that I'm not a way that I'm "supposed to be" or that I'm not doing or that life isn't happening as it "should." 

    When you engage in this type of questioning for a while, you may find that life and your feelings have far fewer rules than you ever imagined and that you have far more freedom to be exactly as you are and still be the wonderful human being that want to be. 

    All the best,

    Ira

    ------------------------------
    Ira Reid
    Hoboken NJ
    ------------------------------



  • 65.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 09-16-2019 10:54
    Good Morning Andrea, 
    Thank you for sharing your story. Awe, your little guy is a real superhero and you as well  : )
    Yesterday was four months for me since my surgery. You are definitely right when you say it is a marathon and not a sprint, Thanks to all of you in this group it has made it so much easier for me this past month! 
    I've been easing back into my normal activities these past few weeks and yes, it has helped quite a bit! I still have some fears and anxieties but am working on those and have been starting to feel so much better : )
    Thank you again and wishing you both the best : )
    Have a great week!
    Michelle

    ------------------------------
    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
    ------------------------------



  • 66.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 03-30-2023 14:03

    Hi Michelle,

    Hang in there.  Did you have an open heart surgery?  I had a triple bypass and apparently if you have that procedure over 70% of the patients experience depression. I didn't know that until I found out from someone in support group.

    I talked to my doctor and he put me on an anti-depressant med. I was only on it for 3 months and then I was back to normal.  I felt overwhelmed and that was not something I associated with depression but it was depression.


    Is Ridgecrest near San Diego? I used to live in Alpine, near Julian.

    Take care and email me back if you want to "talk" some more.

    Kind regards and air hugs,

    Diana



    ------------------------------
    Diana Rose
    San Diego CA
    (619) 507-1064
    ------------------------------



  • 67.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 03-31-2023 10:10

    Hi Michele. It was because of this same issue that I found Mended Hearts. None of the doctors and nurses prepared me for the emotional roller coaster after my OHS and to expect the "cardiac blues". I'm generally a very happy guy and just couldn't figure out what was wrong with my after my triple bypass. I just felt this general feeling of despair and hopelessness. I finally started doing some research to see if it was just me or if others had experienced this after heart surgery and that's when I stumbled across Mended Hearts. It was an absolute lifesaver! Just knowing that I wasn't alone in feeling that way and being able to share how was feeling on my down days with others who had walked the same path was a huge help. Just know that it WILL get better. I saw a comment on Mended Hearts once that being on the bypass machine for 8 hours or so during your heart surgery basically resets your brain. I thought that was a pretty accurate description. It definitely changes your life but it doesn't have to define your life. My recommendation is to stay plugged in here and don't be afraid to share with your support team (family, doctors, nurses, physical therapists, etc) how you're feeling on the days when you're down. Eventually the days when you feel great will outnumber the days that you don't and you'll reach a place of gratitude that you are still around for your family and friends. Remember, many people don't survive a heart attack. We're the blessed few who have been given another chance. Make the best of it. :)



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    Brett Temple
    Project Manager
    Castleberry AL
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  • 68.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 03-31-2023 13:20

    Hi Brett

    Your comments were so insightful and very true.  i am a psychiatric nurse practitioner and i too had OHS in May2020. Not only was it a complete surprise, but the height of Covid infections, thus,no visitors!  I used all my teachings and knowledge of depression, and still had some sad days.  Happy to say it was short-lived and the gratitude to be here with family and friends, is immeasurable .  I had not heard about the bypass machine and how it can change the brain chemistry, can you send me a link to read up on that ,very appreciated. Stay well and happy.  Lisa



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    Lisa Johnson
    Registered nurse
    CA
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  • 69.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 04-01-2023 06:17

    Lisa, Brett, Michelle, Diana,

    I've told my story before on Mended Hearts but I'm going to tell it again now for those, including at least some of you, who've never heard it before.

    Five years ago, I had a heart attack, followed by emergency quintuple bypass surgery, complicated by ventilator induced pneumonia and a cdiff infection, and being kept in a medically induced coma for two weeks post surgery.  During the coma and for the week after my awakening, I was delusional and hallucinating, but in a very pleasant and even spiritual way, e.g. I believed that one of my nurses was Christ returned to help me much as he was helped by someone who gave him water on the way to the cross.  I am a Jewish Zen Buddhist, by the way, not a Christian.  I remained in the hospital for another week before I was transferred to a rehab hospital for another three weeks, learning to walk and feed myself again, and where I gradually, with the assistance of my wife, parsed through my hallucinated experiences from what most people would consider the real or every day ones.

    My awakening was more than a physical one.  As you no doubt guessed by now, it was equally a spiritually transforming experience, a "hard enlightenment" as we say in Zen.  When I had my heart attack and learned that I would need emergency bypass surgery, I had no fear of dying and I was quite calm, but when I awoke from the coma, I was filled with the deepest feeling of gratitude I'd ever experienced in my life, a feeling that has remained with me, in a more subdued way, to the present time.  I felt more than just a closeness to all the people who had saved my life.  I felt for the first time in my life, that we were all branches from the same tree, that we were just vessels for the universe to experience itself through loving awareness.  I felt joy.

    Before I left the first hospital to go to the rehab hospital, I told my wife about the nurse I felt was Christ and introduced her to him.  She suggested I thank him and I did, the tears of gratitude flowing as I told him that I would now give to others what he had given to me, and he relied that it was okay because Christ died for all of us.

    Over the past five years I returned to work as a big firm NY lawyer, returned to the gym and my lifelong love of weightlifting and calisthenics, semi-retired and took to slowly writing about my life lessons and philosophical reflections and watched my daughter finish high school, college and now on the cusp of finishing her masters program, dating a guy who seems as calm as me. In short, I have lived an outwardly normal life in the world, not in a monastery, which has long been a temptation for me, but inwardly a life of contemplation, not a sense of closeness to God, but rather the awareness that all of us are, as Ram Dass, one of my spiritual teachers said, just walking each other home.  In fact, we all of us are home, right here, right now, with each of us, in this beautiful, limitless universe.

    No, I was never depressed.  Mt heart attack and OHS were a gift and I am grateful still.  To all who are depressed, I hope and believe it will pass for you as you embrace your experience.

    Namaste,

    Ira




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    Ira Reid
    Hoboken NJ
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  • 70.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 04-02-2023 11:52

    Good Morning Diana, Brett, Lisa and Ira!
    Thank you all for your replies. I had OHS, double bypass, in May of 2019. It came as quite a surprise. Around the 3 months mark the cardiac blues hit me pretty hard. I wasn't sure what was happening to me. I started seeing an amazing psychologist to better help me understand, I've spent the last three years with her. I still have moments where I feel a little blue, however, I've been learning how to manage it. 

    Brett, that's very interesting about the heart lung machine. I felt the same exact way after my surgery! Thank you so much for sharing your story! I have wondered before if something has changed in my brain since my surgery. I always felt like a happy, care-free person as well. 

    Since my surgery, I've had a few trips to the ER, not sure how many EKGs or bloodwork, a nuclear stress test, and a few ECHOs with and without contrast. The latest one done in January. All these tests are still showing nothing has changed since my surgery, so I'm very thankful for that. However, I was
    told once again it's very important for me to stay with a 100% plant-based diet (which is very hard at times) since my arteries are only 2mm, which are much too small for a stent if anything should happen. So needless to say, I still have some anxiety at times.

    I'm happy to say in February I participated in the 60 Mile Walk Challenge for the AHA. I had a great time doing it and was able to raise $500 for the AHA. I'm doing the 50 Mile Challenge in April walk as well! So far, I've raised $100. It definitely helps to keep me motivated and is lots of fun!

    Diana, thank you so much for your offer of support, I really appreciate it!! I'm about 3.5 hours from San Diego.

    Lisa, so happy your recovery went well! Happy Heartiversary next month!

    Ira, since my surgery I have read countless books, but still waiting on yours!! I've always enjoyed reading your responses to people's questions or comments!

    Hope you all have a beautiful day!
    Michelle



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    michelle leverett
    Ridgecrest CA
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  • 71.  RE: "CARDIAC BLUES"

    Posted 04-07-2023 12:42
    Dear Michelle
    Brett said IT wonderfully!!!
    There is a reason you survived so make the best of this new opportunity to enjoy LIFE!!!

    It takes time and maybe some anti depressants and/ anti anxiety medications.
    My doctor put me on antidepressants and anti anxiety medications before I felt the symptoms …. He prevented that postoperative problems

    Marilyn B. Rosenhouse
    Mobile: (214)850-0655