Mended Little Hearts Open Forum

Hello everyone,

I am a proud dad of a now 10 week old son and is our first child. A week after he was born, we learned he had a Ventricular Septal Defect in his heart, wherein there's a hole in his heart where more blood goes into his lungs than normal, causing him to breathe more heavily and burn more energy when feeding with a bottle, so he's currently mostly being fed through a tube via gravity dripping. We feed him every three hours, even at night and are in a routine now, for the most part.

However, stress is much high now that we have a child. My wife pumps every three hours as well, but it is very draining on her, especially at night. Having a kid in general has become more stressful than expected. I've found myself getting annoyed a lot easier when inconvenienced by something, especially when I've just sat down and then I'm asked to get something. This also happens when I'm trying to get a task done, and then I'm asked to do another thing or maybe I'm trying to search for something online with my wife but then get upset or annoyed when her inputs clashes with how I search.

Basically, all the little things are starting to get to me far more than they should. Do all new dads tend to go through this? Or is my case a bit more than usual? My wife and I talk about it and try to address it, but the issue still persists. Does anyone have any advice on how they handle such stress at home?

Hi Gregory! 
Welcome to the club that none of us want to be a part of but one that is absolutely covered in support. Transitioning to being a parent is hard enough as it is, so adding a heart defect on top of that will for sure add extra stress! You and your wife are doing great, you are finding your way! My husband and I did not bicker nearly as often as we did when our daughter was born…stress levels are high. Give yourself some grace, give your wife some grace and let remind her to give herself some grace too. It is 100% okay and GOOD to ask for help should you feel that you may benefit. You could mention to your doctor that you'd like to learn mechanisms to help cope with your mental health during this transition to parenthood. When I finally asked I was referred to the mental health specialist at our clinic and it was so helpful for me. I sympathize with your wife as well, I remember being up every 2-3hrs pumping and then fortifying my milk and also changing her food in her bag every 4 hours as well. She was fed continuously by feeding pump and 4 bolus feeds by pump during the day time. I could not produce as much as was prescribed for her and I absolutely drained myself pumping for 7mo because I felt it was the only thing I control in an uncontrollable situation. I don't regret doing it, but also looking back I don't regret stopping before the goal I had in my head. 
Sharing all of this to say my husband and I can totally relate to your situation with this transition into this new chapter of your lives, you are not alone.

Our daughter is 2.5 years old now with two open heart surgeries behind her and is the absolute light of lives. Her CHD is truncus arteriosus. Please feel free to reach out anytime! And make sure to tell your wife she isn't alone, I remember feeling incredibly isolated and alone in the beginning and just dove into a dark wormhole of unnecessary guilt feeling like I wasn't "mom enough" it's a weird thing to explain but I don't wish it on anyone. 

In case you haven't heard it- you both are great parents. It does get easier. You will find your groove. Don't be afraid to ask for help, however that looks like, and give yourself grace. 

Hello everyone,

I am a proud dad of a now 10 week old son and is our first child. A week after he was born, we learned he had a Ventricular Septal Defect in his heart, wherein there's a hole in his heart where more blood goes into his lungs than normal, causing him to breathe more heavily and burn more energy when feeding with a bottle, so he's currently mostly being fed through a tube via gravity dripping. We feed him every three hours, even at night and are in a routine now, for the most part.

However, stress is much high now that we have a child. My wife pumps every three hours as well, but it is very draining on her, especially at night. Having a kid in general has become more stressful than expected. I've found myself getting annoyed a lot easier when inconvenienced by something, especially when I've just sat down and then I'm asked to get something. This also happens when I'm trying to get a task done, and then I'm asked to do another thing or maybe I'm trying to search for something online with my wife but then get upset or annoyed when her inputs clashes with how I search.

Basically, all the little things are starting to get to me far more than they should. Do all new dads tend to go through this? Or is my case a bit more than usual? My wife and I talk about it and try to address it, but the issue still persists. Does anyone have any advice on how they handle such stress at home?

Hi Gregory! 
Welcome to the club that none of us want to be a part of but one that is absolutely covered in support. Transitioning to being a parent is hard enough as it is, so adding a heart defect on top of that will for sure add extra stress! You and your wife are doing great, you are finding your way! My husband and I did not bicker nearly as often as we did when our daughter was born…stress levels are high. Give yourself some grace, give your wife some grace and let remind her to give herself some grace too. It is 100% okay and GOOD to ask for help should you feel that you may benefit. You could mention to your doctor that you'd like to learn mechanisms to help cope with your mental health during this transition to parenthood. When I finally asked I was referred to the mental health specialist at our clinic and it was so helpful for me. I sympathize with your wife as well, I remember being up every 2-3hrs pumping and then fortifying my milk and also changing her food in her bag every 4 hours as well. She was fed continuously by feeding pump and 4 bolus feeds by pump during the day time. I could not produce as much as was prescribed for her and I absolutely drained myself pumping for 7mo because I felt it was the only thing I control in an uncontrollable situation. I don't regret doing it, but also looking back I don't regret stopping before the goal I had in my head. 
Sharing all of this to say my husband and I can totally relate to your situation with this transition into this new chapter of your lives, you are not alone.

Our daughter is 2.5 years old now with two open heart surgeries behind her and is the absolute light of lives. Her CHD is truncus arteriosus. Please feel free to reach out anytime! And make sure to tell your wife she isn't alone, I remember feeling incredibly isolated and alone in the beginning and just dove into a dark wormhole of unnecessary guilt feeling like I wasn't "mom enough" it's a weird thing to explain but I don't wish it on anyone. 

In case you haven't heard it- you both are great parents. It does get easier. You will find your groove. Don't be afraid to ask for help, however that looks like, and give yourself grace. 

Hello everyone,

I am a proud dad of a now 10 week old son and is our first child. A week after he was born, we learned he had a Ventricular Septal Defect in his heart, wherein there's a hole in his heart where more blood goes into his lungs than normal, causing him to breathe more heavily and burn more energy when feeding with a bottle, so he's currently mostly being fed through a tube via gravity dripping. We feed him every three hours, even at night and are in a routine now, for the most part.

However, stress is much high now that we have a child. My wife pumps every three hours as well, but it is very draining on her, especially at night. Having a kid in general has become more stressful than expected. I've found myself getting annoyed a lot easier when inconvenienced by something, especially when I've just sat down and then I'm asked to get something. This also happens when I'm trying to get a task done, and then I'm asked to do another thing or maybe I'm trying to search for something online with my wife but then get upset or annoyed when her inputs clashes with how I search.

Basically, all the little things are starting to get to me far more than they should. Do all new dads tend to go through this? Or is my case a bit more than usual? My wife and I talk about it and try to address it, but the issue still persists. Does anyone have any advice on how they handle such stress at home?

Hi Tanya,

That was a very encouraging post. My wife and I are typing this, and we really appreciate your insight and response. How did you handle your emotions in the weeks before surgery? We are a mess with worry, and my wife cries all the time because she's scared. Scared of what might happen, of the worst possible scenario, and it takes a toll on a daily basis as of late. We learned recently that they will plan on having his surgery on the early side of being 4-6 months old, and he will be 4 months old in mid-late August.

Because of the worry for that, it makes all other issues in house or in general just seem even more stressful and difficult to deal with. For example, we recently have seen tiny bugs called springtails that like to hang around our kitchen sink and bathroom sink by our bedroom. They are basically harmless overall, but they cause so much anxiety for my wife because of having to deal with bugs as a child as well as other pests as she grew up, so it brings up a LOT of unpleasant memories for her.

It feels just so overwhelming on a constant basis, especially for my wife as she is home all day on bonding leave while I'm at work, which gives me something else to focus on. This makes her feel alone to the point of going crazy, she feels. Is there any advice or suggestions you can give that can help give us peace of mind and get through this difficult time in our lives?

Hi Gregory! 
Welcome to the club that none of us want to be a part of but one that is absolutely covered in support. Transitioning to being a parent is hard enough as it is, so adding a heart defect on top of that will for sure add extra stress! You and your wife are doing great, you are finding your way! My husband and I did not bicker nearly as often as we did when our daughter was born…stress levels are high. Give yourself some grace, give your wife some grace and let remind her to give herself some grace too. It is 100% okay and GOOD to ask for help should you feel that you may benefit. You could mention to your doctor that you'd like to learn mechanisms to help cope with your mental health during this transition to parenthood. When I finally asked I was referred to the mental health specialist at our clinic and it was so helpful for me. I sympathize with your wife as well, I remember being up every 2-3hrs pumping and then fortifying my milk and also changing her food in her bag every 4 hours as well. She was fed continuously by feeding pump and 4 bolus feeds by pump during the day time. I could not produce as much as was prescribed for her and I absolutely drained myself pumping for 7mo because I felt it was the only thing I control in an uncontrollable situation. I don't regret doing it, but also looking back I don't regret stopping before the goal I had in my head. 
Sharing all of this to say my husband and I can totally relate to your situation with this transition into this new chapter of your lives, you are not alone.

Our daughter is 2.5 years old now with two open heart surgeries behind her and is the absolute light of lives. Her CHD is truncus arteriosus. Please feel free to reach out anytime! And make sure to tell your wife she isn't alone, I remember feeling incredibly isolated and alone in the beginning and just dove into a dark wormhole of unnecessary guilt feeling like I wasn't "mom enough" it's a weird thing to explain but I don't wish it on anyone. 

In case you haven't heard it- you both are great parents. It does get easier. You will find your groove. Don't be afraid to ask for help, however that looks like, and give yourself grace. 

Hello everyone,

I am a proud dad of a now 10 week old son and is our first child. A week after he was born, we learned he had a Ventricular Septal Defect in his heart, wherein there's a hole in his heart where more blood goes into his lungs than normal, causing him to breathe more heavily and burn more energy when feeding with a bottle, so he's currently mostly being fed through a tube via gravity dripping. We feed him every three hours, even at night and are in a routine now, for the most part.

However, stress is much high now that we have a child. My wife pumps every three hours as well, but it is very draining on her, especially at night. Having a kid in general has become more stressful than expected. I've found myself getting annoyed a lot easier when inconvenienced by something, especially when I've just sat down and then I'm asked to get something. This also happens when I'm trying to get a task done, and then I'm asked to do another thing or maybe I'm trying to search for something online with my wife but then get upset or annoyed when her inputs clashes with how I search.

Basically, all the little things are starting to get to me far more than they should. Do all new dads tend to go through this? Or is my case a bit more than usual? My wife and I talk about it and try to address it, but the issue still persists. Does anyone have any advice on how they handle such stress at home?

Hello everyone,

I am a proud dad of a now 10 week old son and is our first child. A week after he was born, we learned he had a Ventricular Septal Defect in his heart, wherein there's a hole in his heart where more blood goes into his lungs than normal, causing him to breathe more heavily and burn more energy when feeding with a bottle, so he's currently mostly being fed through a tube via gravity dripping. We feed him every three hours, even at night and are in a routine now, for the most part.

However, stress is much high now that we have a child. My wife pumps every three hours as well, but it is very draining on her, especially at night. Having a kid in general has become more stressful than expected. I've found myself getting annoyed a lot easier when inconvenienced by something, especially when I've just sat down and then I'm asked to get something. This also happens when I'm trying to get a task done, and then I'm asked to do another thing or maybe I'm trying to search for something online with my wife but then get upset or annoyed when her inputs clashes with how I search.

Basically, all the little things are starting to get to me far more than they should. Do all new dads tend to go through this? Or is my case a bit more than usual? My wife and I talk about it and try to address it, but the issue still persists. Does anyone have any advice on how they handle such stress at home?

Hello everyone,

I am a proud dad of a now 10 week old son and is our first child. A week after he was born, we learned he had a Ventricular Septal Defect in his heart, wherein there's a hole in his heart where more blood goes into his lungs than normal, causing him to breathe more heavily and burn more energy when feeding with a bottle, so he's currently mostly being fed through a tube via gravity dripping. We feed him every three hours, even at night and are in a routine now, for the most part.

However, stress is much high now that we have a child. My wife pumps every three hours as well, but it is very draining on her, especially at night. Having a kid in general has become more stressful than expected. I've found myself getting annoyed a lot easier when inconvenienced by something, especially when I've just sat down and then I'm asked to get something. This also happens when I'm trying to get a task done, and then I'm asked to do another thing or maybe I'm trying to search for something online with my wife but then get upset or annoyed when her inputs clashes with how I search.

Basically, all the little things are starting to get to me far more than they should. Do all new dads tend to go through this? Or is my case a bit more than usual? My wife and I talk about it and try to address it, but the issue still persists. Does anyone have any advice on how they handle such stress at home?