Folks,
I know that a lot of heart patients feel depression and anxiety when they get home from the hospital after heart surgery. It's a normal reaction for many and that is absolutely okay if that's how you feel. Medication, counseling and meditation all are useful tools in helping one to cope with these feelings.
I'm here to tell you, though, that depression and anxiety are not universal reactions and aren't experienced by everyone. I, for one, experienced just the opposite. I had a heart attack, emergency quintuple bypass surgery, complicated by ventilator pneumonia and a c diff superbug infection, that had me in a medically induced coma for two weeks with 50/50 survival odds, a third week in the hospital ICU hallucinating and delusional (nothing unpleasant but I was in an entirely different universe mentally), and then three more weeks in inpatient rehab learning to walk and feed myself again.
I was euphoric to get finally get home six weeks after my supposedly minor heart attack. I was filled with a deep sense if gratitude to everyone who had saved my life, from doctors, nurses, assistants of every stripe and ambulance drivers. That feeling has never left me in the nearly five years that I am now post-surgery. What also changes for me was the sense of what was important in life. All of a sudden, business concerns and office politics and shop talk (I was a partner at a major international law firm) while necessary on my return to the job, were in a different context for me. So were the worldly concerns of friends and families. I took them all seriously, but I knew that I was living on borrowed time, that really so was everyone else although they weren't aware of it. I was aware. I was awake to the timeless element of our existence, to the hear and now smelling of the roses to which most people only give lip service. For me, it was real. It is still real. The great poet, Charles Bukowski, wrote a poem called "Lost." It goes like this and expresses exactly how I feel:
"they say that hell is crowded, yet,
when you're in hell,
you always seem to be alone.
& you can't tell anyone when you're in hell
or they'll think you're crazy
& being crazy is being in hell
& being sane is hellish too.
those who escape hell, however,
never talk about it
& nothing much bothers them after that.
I mean, things like missing a meal,
going to jail, wrecking your car,
or even the idea of death itself.
when you ask them,
"how are things?"
they'll always answer, "fine, just fine…"
once you've been to hell and back,
that's enough
it's the greatest satisfaction known to man.
once you've been to hell and back,
you don't look behind you when the floor creaks
and the sun is always up at midnight
and things like the eyes of mice
or an abandoned tire in a vacant lot
can make you smile
once you've been to hell and back."
------------------------------
Ira Reid
Hoboken NJ
------------------------------
Original Message:
Sent: 07-30-2022 20:07
From: Clara Spiegel
Subject: Need Support Group
I know exactly how it feels to have PTSD after a heart attack. And no one seems to understand that hasn't not been through whatever your situation was which makes it hard to cope. I had one panic attack about two weeks after I was home. Was sent home from the hospital after the panic attack with two tablets of Lexapro which only helped me sleep for about three hours. Previously I was not sleeping. I don't understand how this mental state after a heart attack does not seem to get addressed by our cardiologist. Eventually, my PCP prescribed something for me to sleep. What helped more than the meds was the fact she cared enough and heard my voice for help. I am not advocating medication for the anguish we feel after a heart attack but I personally think it's worth a try to get a prescription for your anxiety.
Original Message:
Sent: 7/29/2022 1:09:00 AM
From: Allan Kluttz
Subject: RE: Need Support Group
Hello Lendsey
Welcome, I understand you need support and hope this works for some or all of it. Your cardiologist recommendations don't sound abnormal to me with 60% blockage, but you can always get another recommendation. I read some especially about LAD which is real common spot to have heart problems. This helped me some. I read they don't stents until 70 % blockage. Unfortunately, I had blockage and vein was bypassed , then occluded, they tried repair with stent. The stent was a failure, vein was to small. So, I have some veins still blocked in my heart. My LVEF was 66% before cardiac arrest now its 40%. Yikes. The LAD was cleared with LIMA to LAD and hoping it doesn't occlude.
I, personally did have one panic attack after getting home from hospital( hospital stay of 3 weeks) of course I was scared. I felt it wasn't safe at home away from hospital. I was a mess, still hurt everywhere and had to have somebody at home to watch me. Finally, I said Allan you got to get a handle on this for it gets out of control. It gets better, not perfect.
Anyway, welcome here.
------------------------------
Allan Kluttz
Fort Mill SC
Original Message:
Sent: 07-20-2022 08:05
From: Lendsey Lalangan
Subject: Need Support Group
Hi - I am a 35 year old female who had a heart attack (MI) a couple of weeks ago and a stent was placed in my LAD. I have another artery that has 60 % blockage which the cardiologist did not think was significant but I am very worried about that now as I don't want to have another heart attack later down the road. I am on a few medications for high blood pressure and cholesterol and also changed my diet only eating plant based foods. This has been a shock for me as I thought I have been on tip top shape of my life. I was jogging at least 4 times per week, lifting weights at the gym 3 x per week, practicing yoga and meditation. However, I was eating a high fat keto diet to the extreme and eating red meat on a daily basis, which I did not think would affect my health as I was not gaining any weight. The heart attack changed my life overnight it seems and I feel that I have PTSD from it now. I feel scared, sad, and not know who to talk to. When I talk to my friends, family, and even therapist I just don't feel like they understand as they did not go through what I went through. I feel so alone in this. I did find a chapter in my area but they only have a meeting once a month. Are there any other support group meetings available where I can just talk and listen to others who have gone through what I went through?
------------------------------
Lendsey Lalangan
------------------------------